Advice to a Daughter

The following lines are a selected translation of a biography of Amir-ul-Hind Maulana sayyid As’ad Madani, written by his eldest daughter, in which she explains how her noble father saw to her upbringing, how he would conduct himself with his children and how he would spare no efforts in seeing to their needs and keeping them happy.

On the one hand he undertook the burden of seeing to the needs of not only the nation, but more, yet still found the time to fulfill the rights of his family as well. At the end, the advice Maulana As’ad rendered to his daughter in a letter after her marriage has also been presented.

Indeed the advices in this letter are so valuable that it would be most appropriate if it could be framed and given to every newly-married girl to hang in her house and reflect on daily.

The daughter writes:

1) What can i say regarding the favours he showered upon me! If his love, compassion, and sacrifice for strangers knew no bounds, one can only imagine the depth of his conduct towards his daughter.

2) My beloved father paid great attention to my nurturing. He taught me the laws of salah, sawm, zakah and hajj; how to entertain; look after one’s home; importance of modesty and the veil. In short, my father played a role in every aspect of my life. From an early age he instilled within us the importance of salah. Even on journeys he would never allow us to delay our salah. He himself would stand with us behind a covering and pour water for us. It is for this reason that, delaying salah has become practically impossible for us.

3) He instilled a love for fasting in our hearts from a young age. Every Eid, he would inquire about the number of fasts we had observed, rewarding us with a rupee for each fast.

4) He himself taught me the etiquettes of entertaining, of talking and even how to cook. He would sit with me in the kitchen and show me how to make various different dishes. For this reason, I today, find no greater enjoyment than what i find in the kitchen.

5) whenever i would fall ill, especially during pregnancy my father would call me home immediately. He would personally see to all my medical needs and expenses.

6) After getting married, my father sent me the following letter:
بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيم (In the name of اَللّهُ, most beneficent most merciful)
My beloved daughter! May اَللّهُ keep you happy in this world as well as in the next. O my daughter! This world will only last for a few days. Thus, it would indeed be most foolish if one were to destroy his ever-lasting abode in its pursuit.  From now on you are responsible for your own life. We have become old, and one’s parents can not remain with one forever.

Thus, before doing anything, ponder over its benefits and harms. Those who love you understand well the advantages and disadvantages of what you wish to do and اَللّهُ is the one who loves you the most and understands you the best. (Thus, always follow his commands). Your family inheritance was never a criteria nor kinship, rather it is piety and connection with اَللّهُ. Thus if you suffer a setback in dunya (wealth etc) you have not lost a great deal. You are now going to a new family. Every action and word of yours will be scrutinized. Regarding clothing, shun fashion and blind imitating, rather let modesty and piety guide you in choosing your clothing.

Avoid mingling with others excessively. Talking less and mixing less has always saved one from difficulties. Associate only with those whom your seniors are pleased with. Always present yourself in front of others with a smiling face, good character and humility. Regard yourself as the most inferior, no matter how evil others appear to be. If you take your in-laws as your seniors and regard them to be your well wishers, you shall never be disgraced. “Before marriage, After Allah and RasulAllah, the rank of your mother and father was the highest. However, now after marriage, the rank of the husband takes third place (i.e above your parents as well). Never act against his wishes. If you do your own work whilst serving others, all shall respect you. And if you prefer luxury, rest and taking work from others, you will drop in the eyes of all.

Take care of the items in your house as well. Do not allow anything to get lost. Keep everything clean, and in its place. After using anything stored in bottles, ensure that their lids are closed properly. Place them in the same spot you took them from. Have set places for all items, clothing etc, so that you may find it whenever you need it. Instill within yourself the habit of performing salah at its fixed times, with proper devotion and concentration. Ungratefulness and backbiting are the worst habits of women. Avoid the completely.

Maulana As’ad”

In conclusion, the daughter expresses that the advice from Maulana As’ad is so valuable that it should be framed and displayed in the homes of newly-married girls for daily reflection.

4 Reasons for marriage

A woman may be married for four reasons:

for her property, her status. her beauty and her religion, so try to get one who is religious, may your hand be besmeared with dust.

Sahih Muslim

Recipe for a Successful Marriage

“Our Lord! Grant that our spouses and our offspring be a comfort to our eyes, and give us the grace to lead those who are conscious of You” (Furqaan 74).

Successful Marriage

Q: Every human being by nature has an instinct to dispute. This instinct becomes more manifest between the husband and wife, thus leading to marital disputes. How can this instinct be controlled?

A. Consider the following ten points to control the instinct of dispute and maintain a happy marriage.

1. Fear Allah: It was the noble practice of Nabi salallahu alayhi wasallam to conscientise the spouses about the fear for Allah before performing a Nikah by reciting the verses (Nisa v14, Ahzab v69, Aali-Imraan v101) from the Quraan. All the verses are common in the message of Taqwa (fear of Allah). The spouses will be first committed to Allah before being committed to their partner. There can be no doubt in the success of a marriage governed by the fear of Allah.

2. Never be angry at the same time: Anger is the root cause for all marital disputes. One Sahabi came to Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam and sought some advice. Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam replied, control your anger. The same advice was rendered three times. (Mishkaat pg.433; HM Saeed)

3. If one has to win an argument, let it be the other: Nabi salallahu alayhi wasallam said: “Whoever discards an argument despite being correct shall earn a palace in the centre of Jannah. (Ibid pg.412)

4. Never shout at each other unless the house is on fire: Luqman (AS) while offering advice to his son said: ” and lower your voice for verily the most disliked voice is that of a donkey”. (Surah Luqman v19)

5. If you have to criticize, do it lovingly: Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam said, ‘A Mu’ min is a mirror for a Mu’min.’ (Abu Dawud vol.2 pg.325; Imdadiyah) Advise with dignity and silently.

6. Never bring up mistakes of the past: Nabi salallahu alayhi wasallam said: “Whoever conceals the faults of others, Allah shall conceal his faults on the day of Qiyaamah.” (Mishkaat pg.429; HM Saeed)

7. Neglect the whole world rather than your marriage partner:Nabi salallahu alayhi wasallam confirmed the advice of Salman to Abu-Darda [RA] for neglecting his wife. “Verily there is a right of your wife over you.” (Nasai Hadith2391)

8. Never sleep with an argument unsettled: Abu Bakr radiallahu anhu resolved his dispute with his wife over-feeding the guests before going to bed. (Bukhari Hadith 602)

9. At least, once everyday, express your gratitude to your partner: Nabi [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] said, ‘Whoever does not show gratitude to the people has not shown gratitude to Allah.’ (Abu Dawud pg.662; Karachi)

10. When you have done something wrong, be ready to admit it and ask for forgiveness: Nabi [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] said, ‘All the sons of Aadam commit error, and the best of those who err are those who seek forgiveness.’ (Tirmidhi Hadith 2499)

by Mufti Ebrahim Desai

Overlooking the Shortcomings of a Spouse

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Religious Education for Children

If you don’t give a child the toy he desires he will cry for a short while

But if you don’t give him education then he will cry for the latter part of his life.

However, if you don’t make him religious he will cry forever in his eternal life after he dies!

Shaykh Hasan Ali

10 Things you must Not Do with your child

TEN THINGS YOU MUST NOT DO WITH YOUR CHILD

  1. Screaming
    Some say its worst than beating, and leaves one with long-term mental and emotional scars. Remember, the Prophet ‎ﷺ never raised his voice on a child, women, a friend or otherwise.
  2. Blaming
    Blaming weakens relations, lowers self-esteem and prompts children to be on the defense, even when they haven’t done something wrong. Anas b. Malik, then a 10 year old child, said: “I served the Prophet ‎ﷺ for nine years. He never said about anything I did, why I did that, or about anything I didn’t do, why didn’t you.”
  3. Nonstop Orders
    Orders and instructions, without without first convincing or persuading, turn the child into a robot and this is not healthy. When growing up, they blindly emulate and obey any authority, regardless of its values.
  4. Threatening
    Threatening is used because it’s a quick fix for resistance, but not a solution in the long run. Any attitude driven by [just] fear is hypocritical, and does not indicate real change.
  5. Sarcasm
    Making fun of a child is an unacceptable behavior in Islam: “O you who believe let not a group scoff at another group… “(49:11). Mocking a child hurts their sense of worth and self-esteem.
  6. Cursing
    Cursing teaches the child cursing, which he will use against others, including relatives, friends and parents. The hadith says: “A believer is never a defamer nor a curser nor coarse nor obscene.”
  7. Comparing
    Never compare your child to anyone, especially siblings. Comparing creates jealousy, anger and [puts them] on the defense.
  8. Continuous Advising
    The normal attention span is 3 to 5 minutes per year of a child’s age. Therefore, a 2-year-old should be able to concentrate on a particular task for at least 6 minutes, and a child entering kindergarten should be able to concentrate for at least 15 minutes. In the hadith “The Prophet used to take care of us by preaching during [some] days [and not others] fearing that we may get bored.”
  9. Mistrust
    Not giving the child the benefit of doubt weakens mutual trust, shuts frank communication and hurts self-confidence.
  10. Beating
    In most cases, beating a child is about parents venting anger than wisely and calmly wanting to improve a behavior. Beating, similar to a pain killer, is a temporary fix, not a cure. It creates a coward personality, which will continue to do bad things as long as “nobody is watching”.

Dr. Hesham Al-Awadi, author of “Children Around the Prophet: How Muhammad ‎ﷺ Raised the Young Companions”

Naming the child

By Mufti Taqi Usmani

It is the infant’s vested right to be honoured with a good name. When choosing a name for the child, it should be done with the intention that the child will be blessed with the barakah of that name. Here are some Ahadeeth to show the importance of selecting a good and correct name:

Ibne Umar (RA) relates Rasoolullah (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) as saying: “Truly, the most loved of your names by Allah are Abdullah and Abdur-Rahmaan.”

It is also reported in the Aboo Dawood that Rasoolullah (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) said: “Keep the names of prophets. And the most desirable names by Allah Ta’ala are Abdullah and Abdur-Rahmaan. And names that depict honesty are Haarith (planter) and Hammaam (thoughtful). And the most disliked ones are Harb (battle) and Murrah (bitter).”

THE BARAKAH OF NAMING A CHILD AFTER THE BELOVED NAME OF RASOOLULLAH (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam)
Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) said: “Whoever is named after me with the hope of being blessed, he will be blessed and will be in peace till the day of Qiyaamat.”

He also said: “To whomever is born a boy and he names him Muhammad solely for the love of me and for the blessings of my name, then both he (the father) and his son will enter Jannah.”

THE IMPORTANCE OF KEEPING GOOD NAMES
HADITH: “On the Day of Qiyaamah you will be called by your (own) names and the names of your fathers. Therefore keep good names.” Aboo Dawood.

HADITH: “To whoever is born a child, the child should be given a good name and sound education. And when he becomes of age he should be married.”

It Was Rasoolullah’s (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) practice to enquire the names of persons and villages. If they were pleasant, it became apparent on his face. If not, his displeasure could be seen.

Once Rasoolullah (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) called for a volunteer to milk a camel. Four persons volunteered: he refused to accept the services of the first three because their names did not imply pleasantness. The names of the first two were Murrah (bitter) while Jamrah (burning coal) was the name of the third person. When the fourth said his name is Yaeesh (long life) Rasoolullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) said to him: “Milk her.”

UNDESIRABLE NAMES SHOULD BE CHANGED
Aa’ishah (RA) reports that Rasool (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) used to change displeasing names replacing them with good names. Abdullah bin Umar (RA) relates that one of his sisters was named Aasiyah (disobedient). Rasoolullah (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) changed it to Jameelah (beautiful). Zainab (RA) says that she had been named Birrah (pious). Rasoolullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) said: “Do not claim piety for Allah knows best who amongst you are pious. Name her Zainab!”

NAMES MAY INFLUENCE THE LIVES OF PEOPLE
Sa’eed ibne Musayib (RA) relates from his father that his grandfather went to Rasoolullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) and was asked: “What is your name?” He replied: “Hazn” (sorrow). Rasoolullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) said: “You are Sahl” (contended). He replied: “I will not change the name my father had given me.” The narrator says that thereafter sorrow continually remained with them.

KEEP AWAY FROM NAMES IMPLYING SHIRK
As Muslims, we should always abstain from keeping names implying any elements of Shirk, like adjoining the word ‘Abd'(servant) to names or epithets other that those of Allah Ta’ala. Rasoolullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) also forbade keeping pompous and self-glorifying names, for this reveals arrogance and haughtiness – human elements most abhorred by Allah Ta’ala.

BE PROUD OF YOUR IDENTITY AND FAITH
Muslims should always be proud of their identity and faith. Nowadays, to conceal his identity, it is common practice for a person to ‘westernize’ his name, like substituting Yoosuf with Joe or Joseph, Sulaimaan with Solly or Sully, Faatimah with Fatli, Sumay-yah with Summi, etc. Efforts to distort such beautiful names merely reveal an un-Islamic and sacreligious attitude. Remember, there exists behind each Islamic name an Islamic spirit and meaning, which, when distorted, is ruined. For example, there is intended love for the Prophet of Islam, and barakah when naming a child Muhammad. But when Muhammad is called Mahmad or Gammat, this spirit of love for Rasoolullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) and the acquiring of barakah by such a name is shattered. Should we not then refrain from such sacreligious practices?

May Allah Ta’ala guide us so that we may realize the beauty and uniqueness of the religion of Islam propounded by no other than the one who is the best of Allah’s creations-May Allah shower His choicest blessings upon him.

May Allah Ta’ala guide us on the Right Path.

May He also grant this humble effort of mine to be a fulfilment of a long-felt need amongst the Muslims-especially the English-speaking Muslims. Ameen.

https://www.beautifulislam.net/

Dua for children

Our Lord, keep our beloved children, our gifts from You, under Your perfect protection.

Keep them safe from all harm: known and unknown, visible and invisible.

Cover them with Your mercy and envelope them with Your light. Illuminate them so that they may be beacons of hope in their communities.

Help them to be good company and to be in good company – to have friends that help them and not harm them.

Oh Allah, I pray that You keep our children free from any addictions and vices.

Draw them close to You for protection from every ill and evil influence of our society, whether it’s apparent to us or not.

Save them from the evil of Shaytaan, evil of Jinn, evil of man and the evil within.

O Allah, make apparent to them the truth in any situation and let them not be misled by falsehood.

O Allah, guide them in making choices that please You.

O Allah, help them to taste the sweetness of walking with a humble spirit in obedience and submission to You.

O Allah, make easy the learning and studies for them. Help me to support them in the best way.

O Allah, I pray that You protect them from accidents, diseases, injuries, and any other physical, mental, or emotional afflictions and abuse.

Grant them every success, happiness, steadfastness and peace.

O Allah, I ask that you bless them with Your love and the love of those who love You, and for the love of every deed which brings them nearer to Your love.

As the kids return back to school for a new academic year I thought I would share the above list of duas to make for them which will also insha’Allah benefit your kids too

Reprimanding Children

“Nowadays parents refrain from reprimanding their children as they deem them to be very little. However, if a child does an action which is considered bad from a deeni and worldly perspective, it is then Fardh upon the parents to reprimand such a child.

This is because there is a high possibility, the child will grow older and inculcate this bad behaviour into their lives. The sin for this bad habit will then fall upon the parents.”

Mufti Taqi Usmani

Mother and Son

​CONVERSATION BETWEEN A MOTHER AND HER SON:
Mother:

I fought with death when I was giving birth to you. I spent sleepless nights when you were sick and crying. I never ate without feeding you first. I bore so many pains to bring you to the stage that you are in today. How will you repay me my son?
Son: 

When I grow up, I will find a good job and earn lots of money for you so you can enjoy the pleasures of this world.
Mother:

Your father is doing this already and I do not expect this from you too. By the time you are earning I will be old and will not be in need of any worldly luxuries.
Son:

I will find a pious lady and marry her so she can cook for you and take care of you.
Mother:

That is not her duty my son and neither should you marry for that reason. It is not compulsory on her to do any service to me, neither do I expect this from her. Your marriage should be for you, a companion and a comfort for you as you go through this journey of life.
Son:

Tell me mother how can I repay you then?
Mother:

(With tears in her eyes) Visit or call me often. A mother only requires this much from you while she is alive. Then when I die give me your shoulder and bury me. Whenever you perform prayers, supplicate for me. Give out in charity for me. Remember your every good deed will benefit me in the hereafter so be good and kind always. Fulfill the rights of Allah SWT and all those around you. The sleepless nights and pains I took to bring you up was not a favour to you but was for my creator. He blessed me with you as a beautiful gift and as a means for me to attain His pleasure. Your every good deed becomes my repayment. Will you do it my son?
Son:

(Cannot speak and has tears in his eyes)
May we all be of those that are a coolness of our parents eyes and a means of their purification.
“Say My Lord be merciful to them as they brought me up in my childhood”

(Surah Al-Israa)

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