10 Things you must Not Do with your child
TEN THINGS YOU MUST NOT DO WITH YOUR CHILD
Some say its worst than beating, and leaves one with long-term mental and emotional scars. Remember, the Prophet ﷺ never raised his voice on a child, women, a friend or otherwise.
Blaming weakens relations, lowers self-esteem and prompts children to be on the defense, even when they haven’t done something wrong. Anas b. Malik, then a 10 year old child, said: “I served the Prophet ﷺ for nine years. He never said about anything I did, why I did that, or about anything I didn’t do, why didn’t you.”
- Nonstop Orders
Orders and instructions, without without first convincing or persuading, turn the child into a robot and this is not healthy. When growing up, they blindly emulate and obey any authority, regardless of its values.
Threatening is used because it’s a quick fix for resistance, but not a solution in the long run. Any attitude driven by [just] fear is hypocritical, and does not indicate real change.
Making fun of a child is an unacceptable behavior in Islam: “O you who believe let not a group scoff at another group… “(49:11). Mocking a child hurts their sense of worth and self-esteem.
Cursing teaches the child cursing, which he will use against others, including relatives, friends and parents. The hadith says: “A believer is never a defamer nor a curser nor coarse nor obscene.”
Never compare your child to anyone, especially siblings. Comparing creates jealousy, anger and [puts them] on the defense.
- Continuous Advising
The normal attention span is 3 to 5 minutes per year of a child’s age. Therefore, a 2-year-old should be able to concentrate on a particular task for at least 6 minutes, and a child entering kindergarten should be able to concentrate for at least 15 minutes. In the hadith “The Prophet used to take care of us by preaching during [some] days [and not others] fearing that we may get bored.”
Not giving the child the benefit of doubt weakens mutual trust, shuts frank communication and hurts self-confidence.
In most cases, beating a child is about parents venting anger than wisely and calmly wanting to improve a behavior. Beating, similar to a pain killer, is a temporary fix, not a cure. It creates a coward personality, which will continue to do bad things as long as “nobody is watching”.
Dr. Hesham Al-Awadi, author of “Children Around the Prophet: How Muhammad ﷺ Raised the Young Companions”