Advice to a Daughter

The following lines are a selected translation of a biography of Amir-ul-Hind Maulana sayyid As’ad Madani, written by his eldest daughter, in which she explains how her noble father saw to her upbringing, how he would conduct himself with his children and how he would spare no efforts in seeing to their needs and keeping them happy.

On the one hand he undertook the burden of seeing to the needs of not only the nation, but more, yet still found the time to fulfill the rights of his family as well. At the end, the advice Maulana As’ad rendered to his daughter in a letter after her marriage has also been presented.

Indeed the advices in this letter are so valuable that it would be most appropriate if it could be framed and given to every newly-married girl to hang in her house and reflect on daily.

The daughter writes:

1) What can i say regarding the favours he showered upon me! If his love, compassion, and sacrifice for strangers knew no bounds, one can only imagine the depth of his conduct towards his daughter.

2) My beloved father paid great attention to my nurturing. He taught me the laws of salah, sawm, zakah and hajj; how to entertain; look after one’s home; importance of modesty and the veil. In short, my father played a role in every aspect of my life. From an early age he instilled within us the importance of salah. Even on journeys he would never allow us to delay our salah. He himself would stand with us behind a covering and pour water for us. It is for this reason that, delaying salah has become practically impossible for us.

3) He instilled a love for fasting in our hearts from a young age. Every Eid, he would inquire about the number of fasts we had observed, rewarding us with a rupee for each fast.

4) He himself taught me the etiquettes of entertaining, of talking and even how to cook. He would sit with me in the kitchen and show me how to make various different dishes. For this reason, I today, find no greater enjoyment than what i find in the kitchen.

5) whenever i would fall ill, especially during pregnancy my father would call me home immediately. He would personally see to all my medical needs and expenses.

6) After getting married, my father sent me the following letter:
بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيم (In the name of اَللّهُ, most beneficent most merciful)
My beloved daughter! May اَللّهُ keep you happy in this world as well as in the next. O my daughter! This world will only last for a few days. Thus, it would indeed be most foolish if one were to destroy his ever-lasting abode in its pursuit.  From now on you are responsible for your own life. We have become old, and one’s parents can not remain with one forever.

Thus, before doing anything, ponder over its benefits and harms. Those who love you understand well the advantages and disadvantages of what you wish to do and اَللّهُ is the one who loves you the most and understands you the best. (Thus, always follow his commands). Your family inheritance was never a criteria nor kinship, rather it is piety and connection with اَللّهُ. Thus if you suffer a setback in dunya (wealth etc) you have not lost a great deal. You are now going to a new family. Every action and word of yours will be scrutinized. Regarding clothing, shun fashion and blind imitating, rather let modesty and piety guide you in choosing your clothing.

Avoid mingling with others excessively. Talking less and mixing less has always saved one from difficulties. Associate only with those whom your seniors are pleased with. Always present yourself in front of others with a smiling face, good character and humility. Regard yourself as the most inferior, no matter how evil others appear to be. If you take your in-laws as your seniors and regard them to be your well wishers, you shall never be disgraced. “Before marriage, After Allah and RasulAllah, the rank of your mother and father was the highest. However, now after marriage, the rank of the husband takes third place (i.e above your parents as well). Never act against his wishes. If you do your own work whilst serving others, all shall respect you. And if you prefer luxury, rest and taking work from others, you will drop in the eyes of all.

Take care of the items in your house as well. Do not allow anything to get lost. Keep everything clean, and in its place. After using anything stored in bottles, ensure that their lids are closed properly. Place them in the same spot you took them from. Have set places for all items, clothing etc, so that you may find it whenever you need it. Instill within yourself the habit of performing salah at its fixed times, with proper devotion and concentration. Ungratefulness and backbiting are the worst habits of women. Avoid the completely.

Maulana As’ad”

In conclusion, the daughter expresses that the advice from Maulana As’ad is so valuable that it should be framed and displayed in the homes of newly-married girls for daily reflection.

Dua for Istikharah

Istikharah Dua in Arabic
اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْتَخِيرُكَ بِعِلْمِكَ وَأَسْتَقْدِرُكَ بِقُدْرَتِكَ وَأَسْأَلُكَ مِنْ فَضْلِكَ الْعَظِيمِ فَإِنَّكَ تَقْدِرُ وَلَا أَقْدِرُ وَتَعْلَمُ وَلَا أَعْلَمُ وَأَنْتَ عَلَّامُ الْغُيُوبِ اللَّهُمَّ إِنْ كُنْتَ تَعْلَمُ أَنَّ هَذَا الْأَمْرَ خَيْرٌ لِي فِي دِينِي وَمَعَاشِي وَعَاقِبَةِ أَمْرِي فَاقْدُرْهُ لِي وَيَسِّرْهُ لِي ثُمَّ بَارِكْ لِي فِيهِ وَإِنْ كُنْتَ تَعْلَمُ أَنَّ هَذَا الْأَمْرَ شَرٌّ لِي فِي دِينِي وَمَعَاشِي وَعَاقِبَةِ أَمْرِي فَاصْرِفْهُ عَنِّي وَاصْرِفْنِي عَنْهُ وَاقْدُرْ لِي الْخَيْرَ حَيْثُ كَانَ ثُمَّ أَرْضِنِي

Transliteration
Allâhumma inni astakhiruka bi ilmika wa astaqdiruka biqudratika wa as’aluka min fadlikal-azimi, fa innaka taqdiru walâ aqdiru wa ta’lamu walâ a’lamu wa anta allamul ghuyubi. Allâhumma in kunta ta’lamu anna hâdhal amra khayrun li fi dini wa ma-ashi wa aqibati amri faqdir-hu li wa yassir-hu li thumma barik li fihi wa in kunta ta’lamu anna hâdhal amra sharrun li fi dini wa maâshi wa aqibati amri fasrifhu anni wasrifni anhu waqdir liyal-khayra haythu kâna thumma ardini.

Translation
“O Allah, verily I seek the better [of either choice] from You, by Your knowledge, and I seek ability from You, by Your power, and I ask You from Your immense bounty. For indeed You have power, and I am powerless; You have knowledge and I know not; You are the Knower of the unseen realms. O Allah, if You know that this matter is good for me with regard to my religion, my livelihood and the end of my affair then decree it for me, facilitate it for me, and grant me blessing in it. And if You know that this matter is not good for me with regard to my religion, my livelihood and the end of my affair then turn it away from me and me from it; and decree for me better than it, wherever it may be, and make me content with it.”

4 Reasons for marriage

A woman may be married for four reasons:

for her property, her status. her beauty and her religion, so try to get one who is religious, may your hand be besmeared with dust.

Sahih Muslim

Marriage for two who love each other

حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ يَحْيَى، حَدَّثَنَا سَعِيدُ بْنُ سُلَيْمَانَ، حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ مُسْلِمٍ، حَدَّثَنَا إِبْرَاهِيمُ بْنُ مَيْسَرَةَ، عَنْ طَاوُسٍ، عَنِ ابْنِ عَبَّاسٍ، قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ ـ صلى الله عليه وسلم

لَمْ نَرَ لِلْمُتَحَابَّيْنِ مِثْلَ النِّكَاحِ ‏”‏ ‏ ”

the Messenger of Allah said:
“There is nothing like marriage, for two who love one another.”
Sunan ibn Majah

Importance of Marriage

“And marry the unmarried among you and the righteous among your male slaves and female slaves. If they should be poor, Allah will enrich them from His bounty, and Allah is all-Encompassing and Knowing.”
[24:32]

Perfect moments in Marriage

There are no perfect wives and no perfect husbands. But if you keep believing and investing in each other, there will be plenty of perfect moments in your marriage.

Always remember, support, respect and help each other.

Maulana Imtiyaz Sidat

Recipe for a Successful Marriage

“Our Lord! Grant that our spouses and our offspring be a comfort to our eyes, and give us the grace to lead those who are conscious of You” (Furqaan 74).

Successful Marriage

Q: Every human being by nature has an instinct to dispute. This instinct becomes more manifest between the husband and wife, thus leading to marital disputes. How can this instinct be controlled?

A. Consider the following ten points to control the instinct of dispute and maintain a happy marriage.

1. Fear Allah: It was the noble practice of Nabi salallahu alayhi wasallam to conscientise the spouses about the fear for Allah before performing a Nikah by reciting the verses (Nisa v14, Ahzab v69, Aali-Imraan v101) from the Quraan. All the verses are common in the message of Taqwa (fear of Allah). The spouses will be first committed to Allah before being committed to their partner. There can be no doubt in the success of a marriage governed by the fear of Allah.

2. Never be angry at the same time: Anger is the root cause for all marital disputes. One Sahabi came to Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam and sought some advice. Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam replied, control your anger. The same advice was rendered three times. (Mishkaat pg.433; HM Saeed)

3. If one has to win an argument, let it be the other: Nabi salallahu alayhi wasallam said: “Whoever discards an argument despite being correct shall earn a palace in the centre of Jannah. (Ibid pg.412)

4. Never shout at each other unless the house is on fire: Luqman (AS) while offering advice to his son said: ” and lower your voice for verily the most disliked voice is that of a donkey”. (Surah Luqman v19)

5. If you have to criticize, do it lovingly: Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wasallam said, ‘A Mu’ min is a mirror for a Mu’min.’ (Abu Dawud vol.2 pg.325; Imdadiyah) Advise with dignity and silently.

6. Never bring up mistakes of the past: Nabi salallahu alayhi wasallam said: “Whoever conceals the faults of others, Allah shall conceal his faults on the day of Qiyaamah.” (Mishkaat pg.429; HM Saeed)

7. Neglect the whole world rather than your marriage partner:Nabi salallahu alayhi wasallam confirmed the advice of Salman to Abu-Darda [RA] for neglecting his wife. “Verily there is a right of your wife over you.” (Nasai Hadith2391)

8. Never sleep with an argument unsettled: Abu Bakr radiallahu anhu resolved his dispute with his wife over-feeding the guests before going to bed. (Bukhari Hadith 602)

9. At least, once everyday, express your gratitude to your partner: Nabi [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] said, ‘Whoever does not show gratitude to the people has not shown gratitude to Allah.’ (Abu Dawud pg.662; Karachi)

10. When you have done something wrong, be ready to admit it and ask for forgiveness: Nabi [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] said, ‘All the sons of Aadam commit error, and the best of those who err are those who seek forgiveness.’ (Tirmidhi Hadith 2499)

by Mufti Ebrahim Desai

Sex During Ramadhan

Salaam,
Is it permissible for husband and wife to have sex or even foreplay during Ramadhan period,
If not, what should one do to aviod this from happening even when sleeping apart is not possible.

jazakallah

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Inspirer of Truth.
Assalamu Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

Sexual relations including foreplay between husband wife are only forbidden for the duration of the fast, not for the duration of Ramadhan.
Foreplay such as as kissing etc is not forbidden during the day provided one has control over his/her desires.

And Allah knows Best

Wa Alaykumussalaam Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh
www.foodguide.org.uk
(Mufti) Abdullah Patel

Sex during Ramadhan

Overlooking the Shortcomings of a Spouse

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Among His Signs…

“Among His signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves, in order to have tranquillity with them and He put love and mercy between your (hearts) : verily in that are signs for those who reflect.”
Quran Ar-Rum [30:21]

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