Self Discipline

Self Discipline is the key to success in Life…

This post is about what happened in a typical middle-class household.

The son didn’t like living in his house.
“You are leaving the room without switching off the fan”
“The TV on in the room where there is no one. Switch it off!”
“Keep the pen in the stand; it has fallen down”

The son didn’t like his father nagging him for these minor things.
He had to tolerate these things till yesterday since he was with them in the same house.

But today, however, he has an invitation for a job interview.
“As soon as I get the job, I should leave this town. There won’t be any nagging from my father” were his thoughts.

He left for the interview.

Father advised: “Answer the questions put to you without any hesitation. Even if you don’t know the answer, mention that confidently.” Father gave him more money than he actually needed to attend the interview.

The son reached the interview centre.

There was no security outside near the gate. Even though the door was open, the latch was protruding out probably hitting the people entering through the door. He put the latch properly, closed the door and entered the office.

On both sides of the pathway he could see beautiful flower plants. The gardener had kept the water running in the hose-pipe and was not to be seen anywhere. The water was overflowing on the pathway. He kept the hosepipe near the plant and went further.

There was no one in the reception area. However, there was a notice saying that the interview was on the first floor. He slowly climbed the stairs.

The light that was switched on last night was still burning at 10 am in the morning. He remembered his father’s admonition, “Why are you leaving the room without switching off the light?” and thought he could still hear that now. Even though he felt irritated by that thought, he sought out the switch and switched the light off.

Upstairs in a large hall he could see many aspirants sitting waiting for their turn. He looked at the number of people and wondered if he had any chance of getting the job.

He entered the hall with some trepidation and stepped on the “Welcome” mat placed near the door. He noticed that the mat was upside down. He straightened out the mat with some irritation. Habits die hard.

He saw that in a few rows in the front there were many people waiting for their turn, whereas the back rows were empty, but a number of fans were running over those rows of seats.

He heard his father’s voice again, “Why are the fans running in the room where there is no one?” He switched off the fans that were not needed and sat at one of the empty chairs.

He could see many men entering the interview room and immediately leave from another door. There was thus no way anyone could guess what was being asked in the interview.

He went and stood before the interviewer with some trepidation and concern.

The officer took the certificates from him and without looking at them asked, “When can you start work?”

He thought ,”is this a trick question being asked in the interview, or is this a signal that I have been offered the job?” He was confused.

“What are you thinking?” asked the boss. “We didn’t ask anyone any question here. By asking a few questions we won’t be able to assess the skills of anyone. So our test was to assess the attitude of the person. We kept certain tests based on the behaviour of the candidates and we observed everyone through CCTV. No one who came today did anything to set right the hose pipe, the welcome mat, the uselessly running fans or lights. You were the only one who did that. That’s why we have decided to select you for the job”, said the boss.

He always used to get irritated at his father’s discipline and remonstrations. Now he realized that it is only the discipline that has got him his job. His irritation and anger at his father vanished completely.

He decided that he would bring his father to to his workplace and left for home happily.

Whatever our father tells us is only for our bright future!

A rock doesn’t become a beautiful sculpture if it resists the pain of the chisel chipping it away.

For us to become a beautiful sculpture and a human being we need to chisel out the bad habits and behaviour from ourselves. Those are what our father does when he disciplines us.

The mother lifts the child up on her waist to feed her, to cuddle her, and to put her to sleep. But the father is not like that. He lifts the child up on his shoulders to make her see the world that he couldn’t see.

We can realize the pain the mother undergoes by listening to her; but the father’s pain can be realized only when others tell us about it.

Our father is our teacher when we are five years old; a villain when we are twenty, but a guidepost when he is no more in our midst.

The mother can go to her daughter’s or son’s home when she is old; but the father doesn’t know how to do that. He is always independent and alone.

Hence there is no use in hurting our parents when they are alive and remembering about them when they have passed away.

May Allah grant us the ability to value our parent whilst they are alive, and remember them in our prayers when they have passed on, ameen.

10 Things you must Not Do with your child

TEN THINGS YOU MUST NOT DO WITH YOUR CHILD

  1. Screaming
    Some say its worst than beating, and leaves one with long-term mental and emotional scars. Remember, the Prophet ‎ﷺ never raised his voice on a child, women, a friend or otherwise.
  2. Blaming
    Blaming weakens relations, lowers self-esteem and prompts children to be on the defense, even when they haven’t done something wrong. Anas b. Malik, then a 10 year old child, said: “I served the Prophet ‎ﷺ for nine years. He never said about anything I did, why I did that, or about anything I didn’t do, why didn’t you.”
  3. Nonstop Orders
    Orders and instructions, without without first convincing or persuading, turn the child into a robot and this is not healthy. When growing up, they blindly emulate and obey any authority, regardless of its values.
  4. Threatening
    Threatening is used because it’s a quick fix for resistance, but not a solution in the long run. Any attitude driven by [just] fear is hypocritical, and does not indicate real change.
  5. Sarcasm
    Making fun of a child is an unacceptable behavior in Islam: “O you who believe let not a group scoff at another group… “(49:11). Mocking a child hurts their sense of worth and self-esteem.
  6. Cursing
    Cursing teaches the child cursing, which he will use against others, including relatives, friends and parents. The hadith says: “A believer is never a defamer nor a curser nor coarse nor obscene.”
  7. Comparing
    Never compare your child to anyone, especially siblings. Comparing creates jealousy, anger and [puts them] on the defense.
  8. Continuous Advising
    The normal attention span is 3 to 5 minutes per year of a child’s age. Therefore, a 2-year-old should be able to concentrate on a particular task for at least 6 minutes, and a child entering kindergarten should be able to concentrate for at least 15 minutes. In the hadith “The Prophet used to take care of us by preaching during [some] days [and not others] fearing that we may get bored.”
  9. Mistrust
    Not giving the child the benefit of doubt weakens mutual trust, shuts frank communication and hurts self-confidence.
  10. Beating
    In most cases, beating a child is about parents venting anger than wisely and calmly wanting to improve a behavior. Beating, similar to a pain killer, is a temporary fix, not a cure. It creates a coward personality, which will continue to do bad things as long as “nobody is watching”.

Dr. Hesham Al-Awadi, author of “Children Around the Prophet: How Muhammad ‎ﷺ Raised the Young Companions”

Losing a child

Sayyiduna ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Abbas رضي الله عنهما reports that Nabi صلى الله عليه وسلم said:

“Those who lose two children, Allah will enter them [the parents] into Jannah”, Sayyidatuna ‘Aaishah رضي الله عنها then asked, ‘What about those who lose one child only’? Rasulullah صلى الله عليه وسلم replied, ‘O the one who has been inspired [to ask such questions], they too will receive the same reward’…”

(Sunan Tirmidhi)

Piety of the Mother

“When you find a pious man then most of the time it is on account of the piety of his mother. She is the one who instils values in the child, moulds him and later allows him to develop and become a pious person.”

(Mufti Ebrahim Salejee D.B)

Naming the child

By Mufti Taqi Usmani

It is the infant’s vested right to be honoured with a good name. When choosing a name for the child, it should be done with the intention that the child will be blessed with the barakah of that name. Here are some Ahadeeth to show the importance of selecting a good and correct name:

Ibne Umar (RA) relates Rasoolullah (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) as saying: “Truly, the most loved of your names by Allah are Abdullah and Abdur-Rahmaan.”

It is also reported in the Aboo Dawood that Rasoolullah (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) said: “Keep the names of prophets. And the most desirable names by Allah Ta’ala are Abdullah and Abdur-Rahmaan. And names that depict honesty are Haarith (planter) and Hammaam (thoughtful). And the most disliked ones are Harb (battle) and Murrah (bitter).”

THE BARAKAH OF NAMING A CHILD AFTER THE BELOVED NAME OF RASOOLULLAH (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam)
Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) said: “Whoever is named after me with the hope of being blessed, he will be blessed and will be in peace till the day of Qiyaamat.”

He also said: “To whomever is born a boy and he names him Muhammad solely for the love of me and for the blessings of my name, then both he (the father) and his son will enter Jannah.”

THE IMPORTANCE OF KEEPING GOOD NAMES
HADITH: “On the Day of Qiyaamah you will be called by your (own) names and the names of your fathers. Therefore keep good names.” Aboo Dawood.

HADITH: “To whoever is born a child, the child should be given a good name and sound education. And when he becomes of age he should be married.”

It Was Rasoolullah’s (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) practice to enquire the names of persons and villages. If they were pleasant, it became apparent on his face. If not, his displeasure could be seen.

Once Rasoolullah (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) called for a volunteer to milk a camel. Four persons volunteered: he refused to accept the services of the first three because their names did not imply pleasantness. The names of the first two were Murrah (bitter) while Jamrah (burning coal) was the name of the third person. When the fourth said his name is Yaeesh (long life) Rasoolullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) said to him: “Milk her.”

UNDESIRABLE NAMES SHOULD BE CHANGED
Aa’ishah (RA) reports that Rasool (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) used to change displeasing names replacing them with good names. Abdullah bin Umar (RA) relates that one of his sisters was named Aasiyah (disobedient). Rasoolullah (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) changed it to Jameelah (beautiful). Zainab (RA) says that she had been named Birrah (pious). Rasoolullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) said: “Do not claim piety for Allah knows best who amongst you are pious. Name her Zainab!”

NAMES MAY INFLUENCE THE LIVES OF PEOPLE
Sa’eed ibne Musayib (RA) relates from his father that his grandfather went to Rasoolullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) and was asked: “What is your name?” He replied: “Hazn” (sorrow). Rasoolullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) said: “You are Sahl” (contended). He replied: “I will not change the name my father had given me.” The narrator says that thereafter sorrow continually remained with them.

KEEP AWAY FROM NAMES IMPLYING SHIRK
As Muslims, we should always abstain from keeping names implying any elements of Shirk, like adjoining the word ‘Abd'(servant) to names or epithets other that those of Allah Ta’ala. Rasoolullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) also forbade keeping pompous and self-glorifying names, for this reveals arrogance and haughtiness – human elements most abhorred by Allah Ta’ala.

BE PROUD OF YOUR IDENTITY AND FAITH
Muslims should always be proud of their identity and faith. Nowadays, to conceal his identity, it is common practice for a person to ‘westernize’ his name, like substituting Yoosuf with Joe or Joseph, Sulaimaan with Solly or Sully, Faatimah with Fatli, Sumay-yah with Summi, etc. Efforts to distort such beautiful names merely reveal an un-Islamic and sacreligious attitude. Remember, there exists behind each Islamic name an Islamic spirit and meaning, which, when distorted, is ruined. For example, there is intended love for the Prophet of Islam, and barakah when naming a child Muhammad. But when Muhammad is called Mahmad or Gammat, this spirit of love for Rasoolullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) and the acquiring of barakah by such a name is shattered. Should we not then refrain from such sacreligious practices?

May Allah Ta’ala guide us so that we may realize the beauty and uniqueness of the religion of Islam propounded by no other than the one who is the best of Allah’s creations-May Allah shower His choicest blessings upon him.

May Allah Ta’ala guide us on the Right Path.

May He also grant this humble effort of mine to be a fulfilment of a long-felt need amongst the Muslims-especially the English-speaking Muslims. Ameen.

https://www.beautifulislam.net/

Reprimanding Children

“Nowadays parents refrain from reprimanding their children as they deem them to be very little. However, if a child does an action which is considered bad from a deeni and worldly perspective, it is then Fardh upon the parents to reprimand such a child.

This is because there is a high possibility, the child will grow older and inculcate this bad behaviour into their lives. The sin for this bad habit will then fall upon the parents.”

Mufti Taqi Usmani

Support Your Parents

*A quick thought for today & everyday*

If parents can help their children to take their first steps in life … then why can’t the same children support their parents to take their final steps in life?

Shaykh Sulaiman Moola

Daughter in Law

“Your daughter is entrusted to you by the Almighty, so look after her well.
But your daughter in law is entrusted to you by BOTH the Almighty as well as her family, so fulfil the trust with greater care.”

Mufti Ismail Menk

Help Me Respect You Mum

I adore you mum! So please help me fulfil your rights by fulfilling mine. Respecting my wife makes it much easier for us to respect you.

I love you my wife! So help me fulfil your rights by fulfilling mine. Respecting my mother makes it much easier for me to respect you.

Happily ever after.
Mufti Ismail Menk

Manners for Young Children

1. Teach children to use the right hand for eating, drinking, giving and taking. To eat and drink while sitting, and to stay, ‘Bismillah’ before eating and, ‘Alhamdulillah’ after finishing.

2. Teach children hygienic etiquette, to clip fingernails and toe nails, and to wash hands before and after eating.

3. Teach them how to clean themselves after using the toilet and how to keep urine off their clothes.

4. Correct their mistakes kindly and privately without scolding them.

5. Instruct them to listen to the Adhaan quietely and repeat the words of Adhaan after the Muadhin, then to ask Allah to exalt the mention of the Prophet [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] and supplicate the following,

‘O Allah, the Rabb (Lord) of this complete invitation, and the ready prayer, grant Muhammad the means and the virtue, and raise him to a praised rank which You have promised him.’

6. Assign each of them a separate bed, if possible, otherwise a separate cover. It is most preferable to have a room for girls and another for boys.

7. Instruct them to remove harmful objects off the road and not to throw litter on it.

8. Warn against bad company and against loitering.

9. Greet children with Assalaamu alaykum at home, in school, and in public.

10. Instruct children to be kind to neighbours and to be helpful to them, and avoid bothering or disturbing them.

11. Instruct them to be courteous to guests and to treat them with generosity.

The rule of Music and Singing

It is the duty of the educators to warn children against listening to music and singing. Allah states, ‘And of men who take idle talk to lead men away from the path of Allah without knowledge, and make fun of it. For such there will be humiliating punishment.’ (31:6)

Most scholars are agreed that idle talk is nothing but singing. Ibn Mas’ood [radhiallaahu anhu] said the same. Allah also addressed Satan saying, ‘And excite whoever you can with your sound.’ (17:64)

The Prophet [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] said, ‘There will be from my Ummah those who will deem as lawful; fonircation, silk (for Muslim males), liquor and music.’

The great scholar Mujahid and others said, ‘The sound of Satan is music and singing.’

Singing of Today

Most, if not all, of the singing today talks about love, voluptuous desires, kissing and details of a woman’s body and other sexual connotations, things that excite the youth and incite them to establish illicit relations.

The best way to combat the habit of listening to music is reading the Qur’aan and the rememberance of Allah, and reading the Seerah or the biography of the Prophet [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam].

Obedience to Parents

If you want to attain success in both worlds, then you should apply the following advice:

1. Speak politely to your parents and humble yourself before them and be kind to them, and never scold them nor express a word of disgust to them.

2. Obey your parents as long as no disobedience to Allah is involved.

3. Never frown at them, nor give them an angry look.

4. Honour them and guard their reputation and their property. Never take anything from them without permission.

5. Do what pleases them, and help them out even without their asking for your help.

6. Consult them in your own affairs, and apologise to them if you fail to do so.

7. Respond to them quickly and with a smile and when they call you.

8. Treat with courtesy your parents’ friends and relatives during their life and life after their death.

9. Never argue with them, nor blame them and if they err, show them politely their error.

10. Never speak to them with loud voice, and listen politely to them.

11. Help around the house, and offer help to your father at his work.

12. Do not travel without their permission, and if you do, keep in touch with them.

13. Never enter their bedroom before knocking and receiving permission to enter.

14. Never offend them by any bad habit that you may have.

15. Never start eating before they do.

16. Never give your wife or children priority over them. Seek their pleasure, for doing so secures the pleasure of Allah.

17. Do not sit on a place higher than theirs.

18. If you maintain them, never be niggardly towards them. The way you treat them, your children will treat you.

19. The most deserving of your kindness is your mother, then your father, and know that Jannah lies under the feet of mothers.

20. Never be disobedient to your parents, for this is the case of misery in both worlds.

21. Ask your parents to supplicate in your favour, because Allah responds to their Du’aa for you or against you.

22. Supplicate frequently for them, and ask Allah’s forgiveness for them.

23. Never cause anyone to curse them. The Prophet [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] explained this by saying, ‘When a man curses another, the other would curse the man’s father. So beware of this horrible sin.’

24. Remember whatever good deeds you do or accomplish, your parents will benefit from it after their death. And remember too that the Prophet [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] said, ‘You and your property belong to your father’.

Guidelines for Raising Children
Abdul Rahman Abdullah Manderolla

[Source: Madrasa In’aamiyyah]

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