Religious Education for Children

If you don’t give a child the toy he desires he will cry for a short while

But if you don’t give him education then he will cry for the latter part of his life.

However, if you don’t make him religious he will cry forever in his eternal life after he dies!

Shaykh Hasan Ali

10 Things you must Not Do with your child

TEN THINGS YOU MUST NOT DO WITH YOUR CHILD

  1. Screaming
    Some say its worst than beating, and leaves one with long-term mental and emotional scars. Remember, the Prophet ‎ﷺ never raised his voice on a child, women, a friend or otherwise.
  2. Blaming
    Blaming weakens relations, lowers self-esteem and prompts children to be on the defense, even when they haven’t done something wrong. Anas b. Malik, then a 10 year old child, said: “I served the Prophet ‎ﷺ for nine years. He never said about anything I did, why I did that, or about anything I didn’t do, why didn’t you.”
  3. Nonstop Orders
    Orders and instructions, without without first convincing or persuading, turn the child into a robot and this is not healthy. When growing up, they blindly emulate and obey any authority, regardless of its values.
  4. Threatening
    Threatening is used because it’s a quick fix for resistance, but not a solution in the long run. Any attitude driven by [just] fear is hypocritical, and does not indicate real change.
  5. Sarcasm
    Making fun of a child is an unacceptable behavior in Islam: “O you who believe let not a group scoff at another group… “(49:11). Mocking a child hurts their sense of worth and self-esteem.
  6. Cursing
    Cursing teaches the child cursing, which he will use against others, including relatives, friends and parents. The hadith says: “A believer is never a defamer nor a curser nor coarse nor obscene.”
  7. Comparing
    Never compare your child to anyone, especially siblings. Comparing creates jealousy, anger and [puts them] on the defense.
  8. Continuous Advising
    The normal attention span is 3 to 5 minutes per year of a child’s age. Therefore, a 2-year-old should be able to concentrate on a particular task for at least 6 minutes, and a child entering kindergarten should be able to concentrate for at least 15 minutes. In the hadith “The Prophet used to take care of us by preaching during [some] days [and not others] fearing that we may get bored.”
  9. Mistrust
    Not giving the child the benefit of doubt weakens mutual trust, shuts frank communication and hurts self-confidence.
  10. Beating
    In most cases, beating a child is about parents venting anger than wisely and calmly wanting to improve a behavior. Beating, similar to a pain killer, is a temporary fix, not a cure. It creates a coward personality, which will continue to do bad things as long as “nobody is watching”.

Dr. Hesham Al-Awadi, author of “Children Around the Prophet: How Muhammad ‎ﷺ Raised the Young Companions”

Looking after Orphans

Narrated Sahl bin Sa`d:

The Prophet (ﷺ) said,

“I and the person who looks after an orphan and provides for him, will be in Paradise like this,” putting his index and middle fingers together.
[Bukhari]

Naming the child

By Mufti Taqi Usmani

It is the infant’s vested right to be honoured with a good name. When choosing a name for the child, it should be done with the intention that the child will be blessed with the barakah of that name. Here are some Ahadeeth to show the importance of selecting a good and correct name:

Ibne Umar (RA) relates Rasoolullah (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) as saying: “Truly, the most loved of your names by Allah are Abdullah and Abdur-Rahmaan.”

It is also reported in the Aboo Dawood that Rasoolullah (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) said: “Keep the names of prophets. And the most desirable names by Allah Ta’ala are Abdullah and Abdur-Rahmaan. And names that depict honesty are Haarith (planter) and Hammaam (thoughtful). And the most disliked ones are Harb (battle) and Murrah (bitter).”

THE BARAKAH OF NAMING A CHILD AFTER THE BELOVED NAME OF RASOOLULLAH (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam)
Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) said: “Whoever is named after me with the hope of being blessed, he will be blessed and will be in peace till the day of Qiyaamat.”

He also said: “To whomever is born a boy and he names him Muhammad solely for the love of me and for the blessings of my name, then both he (the father) and his son will enter Jannah.”

THE IMPORTANCE OF KEEPING GOOD NAMES
HADITH: “On the Day of Qiyaamah you will be called by your (own) names and the names of your fathers. Therefore keep good names.” Aboo Dawood.

HADITH: “To whoever is born a child, the child should be given a good name and sound education. And when he becomes of age he should be married.”

It Was Rasoolullah’s (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) practice to enquire the names of persons and villages. If they were pleasant, it became apparent on his face. If not, his displeasure could be seen.

Once Rasoolullah (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) called for a volunteer to milk a camel. Four persons volunteered: he refused to accept the services of the first three because their names did not imply pleasantness. The names of the first two were Murrah (bitter) while Jamrah (burning coal) was the name of the third person. When the fourth said his name is Yaeesh (long life) Rasoolullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) said to him: “Milk her.”

UNDESIRABLE NAMES SHOULD BE CHANGED
Aa’ishah (RA) reports that Rasool (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) used to change displeasing names replacing them with good names. Abdullah bin Umar (RA) relates that one of his sisters was named Aasiyah (disobedient). Rasoolullah (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) changed it to Jameelah (beautiful). Zainab (RA) says that she had been named Birrah (pious). Rasoolullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) said: “Do not claim piety for Allah knows best who amongst you are pious. Name her Zainab!”

NAMES MAY INFLUENCE THE LIVES OF PEOPLE
Sa’eed ibne Musayib (RA) relates from his father that his grandfather went to Rasoolullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) and was asked: “What is your name?” He replied: “Hazn” (sorrow). Rasoolullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) said: “You are Sahl” (contended). He replied: “I will not change the name my father had given me.” The narrator says that thereafter sorrow continually remained with them.

KEEP AWAY FROM NAMES IMPLYING SHIRK
As Muslims, we should always abstain from keeping names implying any elements of Shirk, like adjoining the word ‘Abd'(servant) to names or epithets other that those of Allah Ta’ala. Rasoolullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) also forbade keeping pompous and self-glorifying names, for this reveals arrogance and haughtiness – human elements most abhorred by Allah Ta’ala.

BE PROUD OF YOUR IDENTITY AND FAITH
Muslims should always be proud of their identity and faith. Nowadays, to conceal his identity, it is common practice for a person to ‘westernize’ his name, like substituting Yoosuf with Joe or Joseph, Sulaimaan with Solly or Sully, Faatimah with Fatli, Sumay-yah with Summi, etc. Efforts to distort such beautiful names merely reveal an un-Islamic and sacreligious attitude. Remember, there exists behind each Islamic name an Islamic spirit and meaning, which, when distorted, is ruined. For example, there is intended love for the Prophet of Islam, and barakah when naming a child Muhammad. But when Muhammad is called Mahmad or Gammat, this spirit of love for Rasoolullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) and the acquiring of barakah by such a name is shattered. Should we not then refrain from such sacreligious practices?

May Allah Ta’ala guide us so that we may realize the beauty and uniqueness of the religion of Islam propounded by no other than the one who is the best of Allah’s creations-May Allah shower His choicest blessings upon him.

May Allah Ta’ala guide us on the Right Path.

May He also grant this humble effort of mine to be a fulfilment of a long-felt need amongst the Muslims-especially the English-speaking Muslims. Ameen.

https://www.beautifulislam.net/

Dua for children

Our Lord, keep our beloved children, our gifts from You, under Your perfect protection.

Keep them safe from all harm: known and unknown, visible and invisible.

Cover them with Your mercy and envelope them with Your light. Illuminate them so that they may be beacons of hope in their communities.

Help them to be good company and to be in good company – to have friends that help them and not harm them.

Oh Allah, I pray that You keep our children free from any addictions and vices.

Draw them close to You for protection from every ill and evil influence of our society, whether it’s apparent to us or not.

Save them from the evil of Shaytaan, evil of Jinn, evil of man and the evil within.

O Allah, make apparent to them the truth in any situation and let them not be misled by falsehood.

O Allah, guide them in making choices that please You.

O Allah, help them to taste the sweetness of walking with a humble spirit in obedience and submission to You.

O Allah, make easy the learning and studies for them. Help me to support them in the best way.

O Allah, I pray that You protect them from accidents, diseases, injuries, and any other physical, mental, or emotional afflictions and abuse.

Grant them every success, happiness, steadfastness and peace.

O Allah, I ask that you bless them with Your love and the love of those who love You, and for the love of every deed which brings them nearer to Your love.

As the kids return back to school for a new academic year I thought I would share the above list of duas to make for them which will also insha’Allah benefit your kids too

Reprimanding Children

“Nowadays parents refrain from reprimanding their children as they deem them to be very little. However, if a child does an action which is considered bad from a deeni and worldly perspective, it is then Fardh upon the parents to reprimand such a child.

This is because there is a high possibility, the child will grow older and inculcate this bad behaviour into their lives. The sin for this bad habit will then fall upon the parents.”

Mufti Taqi Usmani

Ibadah chart for kids in Ramadan

Ibaadah chart for Kids

Daddy – Can I have $10?

A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5 year old son waiting for him at the door.

“Daddy, may I ask you a question?”

“Yeah, sure, what is it?” replied the man.

“Daddy, how much money do you make an hour?”

“That’s none of your business! What makes you ask such a thing?” the man said angrily.

“I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?” pleaded the little boy.

“If you must know, I make $20.00 an hour.”

“Oh, ” the little boy replied, head bowed. Looking up, he said, “Daddy, may I borrow $10.00 please?”

The father was furious. “If the only reason you want to know how much money I make is just so you can borrow some to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you’re being so selfish. I work long, hard hours everyday and don’t have time for such childish games.”

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door. The man sat down and started to get even madder about the little boy’s questioning. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money. After an hour or so , the man had calmed down, and started to think he may have been a little hard on his son. May be there was something he really needed to buy with that $10.00 and he really didn’t ask for money very often. The man went to the door of the little boy’s room and opened the door. “Are you asleep son?” he asked.

“No daddy, I’m awake,” replied the boy.

“I’ve been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier,” said the man. “It’s been a long day and I took my aggravation out on you. Here’s that $10.00 you asked for.”

The little boy sat straight up, beaming. “Oh, thank you daddy!” he yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow, he pulled out some more crumpled up bills. The man, seeing that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, then looked up at the man.

“Why did you want more money if you already had some?” the father grumbled.

“Because I didn’t have enough, but now I do,” the little boy replied.

“Daddy, I have $20.00 now… Can I buy an hour of your time?”

Have you Talked with Your Child Today?

By Dr. Aisha Hamdan

Have you had a meaningful conversation together? Do you know what your child accomplished today, how he may be feeling, whether or not he has any concerns? Does your child know that you care about him?

In Islam, the ties of kinship and family are very strong and something that will always be present throughout our lifetime. There are very serious consequences for someone who decides to break these ties. Allah, subhanahu wa ta’ala, says,”Then, is it to be expected of you, if you were put in authority, that you will do mischief in the land, and break your ties of kith and kin? Such are the men whom Allah has cursed for He has made them deaf and blinded their sight.” [Qur’an 47:22-23]. The Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, said,”Whoever severs the bonds of kinship will not enter Paradise.” (Bukhari and Muslim).

A major component of our familial ties is communication. In fact, without communication there would be little connection between people. Living together in the same household with limited, or even hostile, interaction would not fit the criteria for maintaining the bonds of kinship. To develop meaningful relationships within our families we need to know how to communicate effectively and sincerely with each other. A large part of this involves skills and principles that can be learned through practice and sincere effort. The following is a guide to strengthen these ties that bind.

1) Active Listening.

You may be surprised to discover that the most important aspect of effective communication is listening. This means that the listener pays full attention to the speaker and attempts to understand what that person is saying and feeling. The listener should suspend judgment, show interest, and respect what is being said. He or she may then restate the content and feelings to demonstrate that sincerity is present. The Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, always gave his full attention to anyone that he conversed with, even his enemies and those with whom he disagreed. When he addressed his companions, they listened intently and attached importance to everything he said.

2) Level of Understanding.

Parents should always keep in mind the age and level of understanding of their child and should speak with him accordingly. The Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, said “Speak to the people keeping in view their level of understanding. Would you like to see them think of what you tell them from Allah and His Messenger as lies?” (Bukhari) This is important so that the child will be able to comprehend what is said, the expectations of the parents will not go beyond the capacity of the child and lead to problems, and difficulties will not be placed upon the child unnecessarily. This is particularly pertinent for sensitive issues such as death, personal modesty issues, and adult responsibilities. There are various levels of complexity with each of these and the correct level needs to be chosen for each child. One way to ascertain this is by the type of questions that a child asks.

3) The Manners of a Mu’min.

A believer is someone who believes in Allah’s Message and follows the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam. In relationships then, a believer would demonstrate honesty, kindness, patience, self-restraint, fairness, trustworthiness, etc. He would avoid teasing, blaming, belittling, mocking, excessive and idle talk, and fault-finding. There are many Qur’anic verses and ahadeeth that give detailed descriptions of this topic such as: “Verily, Allah is with the patient.” [2: 153], “Speak fair to the people.” [2:83], “Kind words and covering of faults are better than charity followed by injury.” [2:263], “A Muslim is a brother of another Muslim. He does not wrong him, nor insult him nor humiliate him.” (Muslim), and “The thing which will make the majority of people enter Paradise is fear of Allah and good manners.” (Tirmithi) These principles should be applied in conversations with children and teenagers as well as adults. It is probably even more important with young people because we are setting an example for them. What do we want our children to learn? We can not expect kindness and respect from our children if we are not being kind and respectful toward them.

4) Avoiding Contention.

The Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, said, “If a man gives up contention when he is in the wrong, a house will be built for him within the Garden of Paradise; but if a man gives up contention, even when he is in the right, a house will be built for him in the loftiest part of the Garden.” (Termithi) The value of this advice lies in the fact that contention and disputes lead to a breakdown in the relationship, even rancor, enmity, and hostility. I have worked with many families where this has occurred and it can be very difficult to mend the wounds that have been created and to bring family members back together. It goes without saying that it is best to completely avoid reaching this low level.

Let us all work to improve our style of communication and our relationships with each other. When our children feel that their parents understand them and are willing to listen to them, they will open up their hearts and trust will develop. Effective teaching and discipline cannot be implemented without a certain level of trust, understanding, and mutual respect. If you are concerned about your children in a non-Muslim environment and it is affecting the way you interact with them, the best you can do is teach and advise them, give them responsibility, trust them, and let them know that you care for them. We can then make du’a and rely upon Allah’s Grace and Assistance. This is our best weapon in a world of non-belief. May Allah help each of us to strengthen the ties that bind us together as a family and bring happiness and contentment to our homes.

PRACTICAL TIPS:

Set aside some time each day to talk with your child. If you have more than one child, each should have their own equal, individual time.
Read books with your child about Islam that pertain to relationships with others and stories about the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, and the companions, radiallaahu anhum. These will provide you with the necessary guidelines and inspiration.
Tape record one of your conversations and rate yourself or have other give you feedback. This is an effective method to determine your weak areas and to improve upon them.
Obtain advice from other parents when needed, especially those who have more experience. This may save time and avoid undue hardships and pain.

Advice to Mothers

1. Consider children a great bounty of Allah Ta’ala. Rejoice at their birth. Congratulate one another on their arrival. Welcome the children into this world with Du’aas of righteousness and blessings. Express your gratitude unto Allah Ta’ala for affording you the opportunity of nurturing a Muslim servant and also for allowing you to leave behind your worldly and religious successor. Make Du‘aa that Allah Ta’ala makes this child an addition to the Muslim Ummah as a Da’i (inviter to Islâm) and a true servant of the Deen.

2. If you don’t have any children, make Du‘â unto Allah Ta’ala for pious children just as Hadrat Zakariyya (alayhis salaam) made Du‘â . He entreated Allah Ta’ala in the following words:

Rabbî Hab Lî min Ladunka Zurriyatan-Tayyibah Innaka Sam‘îud-Duâ.

Trans: “O My Lord! Grant me from your side pleasant children for verily You are very attentive to the prayers (of everyone). [Maryam]

3. Don’t ever be disappointed on the birth of children. Due to financial restraints or health problems or due to any other reason, vigorously refrain from fretting and fuming, from regarding the child as an encumbrance or from belittling or cursing the child.

4. After the birth of the child, wash and clean him up and then call out the Azân in the right ear and Iqâmah in the left ear. There is great wisdom in ensuring that the names of Allah Ta’ala and His Rasulullah fall onto the child’s ears the moment he is born. ‘Allamah Ibnu Qayyim writes in his book Tohfatul-Wadood:
“The purpose of this is to ensure that words denoting the grandeur and greatness of Allah Ta’ala falls first onto the ears of the child. The Shahâdah (attestation) that would Physically admit him into Islâm later on, the words of the same Shahâdah are being dictated to him the day he is born just as the words of the Kalimah are dictated to him when he is breathing his last. Another benefit of calling out the Azân and Iqâmah is that Shaytân , who is just waiting to waylay a person and seeks to entangle a person with a snare of trials and tribulations from the moment he is born, flees the moment he hears the Azân . Before the beckoning of Shaytân , he is summoned to the call of Islâm and the devotion of Allah Ta’ala.”

5. If possible, after the Azân and Iqâmah , get a pious man or woman to chew a piece of date or anything sweet and place it onto the palate of the child and request the pious person to make Du‘â for the child.

6. Choose a suitable name for the child. Name the child after the prophets or the Sâhâbah or add the word ‘Abd to one of the names of Allah Ta’ala like ‘Abdullâh, ‘Abdur-Rahmân etc.

7. If out of ignorance you kept an offensive or unpleasant name, change it with another appropriate name.

8. Perform ‘Aqîqah on the seventh day. Slaughter two animals for a male and one for a female issue. However, slaughtering two animals for a male child is not necessary. Even one would suffice. Thereafter shave the child’s hair and give gold or silver equivalent to the weight of the hair in charity. (You may give cash as well.)

9. On the seventh day, circumcise on the male child. However, if this is not possible by the seventh day, get it done at least before he is seven years old. Khatnah (circumcision) is an Islâmic characteristic.

10. When the child starts talking, teach him the words of “Lâ ilâhâ IllAllah” first.

11. Feed the child with your own milk as well. This is a right of the child over the mother. Breastfeeding is one of the favours the Holy Qurân reminds the children about thereby emphasising the importance of showing kindness to the mother. The child naturally develops more love for the mother who breastfeeds him. Such children are generally more obedient and the mothers also have fewer complains about such children. Coupled with this, it is also the mother’s responsibility that with every drop of milk, she imparts the lesson of Tauhîd, the love of Rasulullah , the devotion to Dîn to the child and also that she endeavours to instil this love in his heart and soul. Do not lighten your burdens and relegate your responsibility onto the father’s shoulders but fulfil this pleasant religious obligation yourself and you will be blessed with spiritual tranquillity and joy. As far as possible, stay away from T‘awizes (amulets etc.) for the children. Instead of utilising T‘awîzes for them, teach them the Du’aas for various occasions. Recite verses of the Holy Qurân and blow on them yourself. Also inculcate in them the habit of reciting the Manzil and memorising the verses contained therein.

12. Refrain from intimidating the child. The anxiety he suffers in these developing years will affect his mind and soul for the rest of his lifetime. Generally, such children are not primed to accomplish any feat of merit. Also, don’t force the child to do anything when he is hungry.

13. Be particularly cautious about scolding, admonishing and rebuking the child for every trivial matter. Instead of showing disgust towards their deficiencies, with wisdom and enthusiasm, endeavour to rear them with love and affection. Nonetheless, your conduct with them should portray that you will not tolerate anything contrary to the Sharî‘ah.

14. Always treat your children with love, affection and warmth. As far as possible, attend to their needs and kindle their spirit of obedience. Avoid questioning the child about Why? When? and Who? Avoid questions like: “Why did you do this? Don’t you have any shame? When would you learn? I don’t know what to do with you!” Instead of admonishing the child in this manner, employ a positive stance. Rub your hand over his head and very affectionately explain that this is not what should be done. Etc. etc.

15. Show love and affection to the younger children. Rub your hands affectionately over their heads. Take them into your lap and love them. Your conduct with them should be one of cheerfulness and joviality. Don’t act like a stern and cruel ruler with them. Conducting yourself in this stern manner will fail to encourage any loving spirit in the hearts of the children for their parents. Also, the children will fail to develop any form of self-confidence and the harsh behaviour of their parents has an adverse effect on the natural nurturing of the child.

16. Expend all your energies in providing your children with decent education and wholesome upbringing. In pursuit of this objective, don’t be the least hesitant. This is your religious obligation, a great favour unto your children and a great act of goodwill unto yourself as well.

17. When the child reaches the age of seven, teach him about the performance of Salâh. Instruct him to observe this act of ‘Ibâdat. Make the girls perform the Salâh with you and send the boys to the Musjid with their father and develop the enthusiasm for the performance of Salâh. When they turn ten and they show any shortcoming in discharging this obligation, punish them appropriately. Let your actions and statements point out to them that you would not tolerate any form of carelessness in the discharge of this duty.

18. When they turn ten, separate their beds and make each one of them sleep on separate beds.

19. Always keep the children clean and tidy. Be very particular about their hygiene, bathing and cleanliness. Ensure that their clothes are clean and Pâk. However, abstain from excessive grooming and vanity. Keep the girls clothing simple as well. Don’t ruin the morals of the boys by making them wear flamboyant and gaudy clothing.

20. Avoid mentioning their faults in front of others. Be very cautious about putting the child to shame. At all costs, refrain from bruising his ego. Similarly, when one of them errs, don’t scold all of them. Advise the offender separately or take appropriate action against him alone.

21. In front of the children, don’t reveal your despair over their failure to rectify themselves. In fact, to boost their spirits, praise them wholeheartedly even over trivial achievements. Always try to encourage them and raise their spirit of self-confidence.

22. Relate to them the stories of the Prophets . Explain how they invited the non-Muslims to Islâm and what role their character played in attracting the infidels to Islâm. Also narrate to them incidents from the lives of the Sahâbah and other pious people. Regard such narration as crucial for their morals and for the development of their affiliation towards Dîn. In spite of your thousand and one other chores, take out a bit of time for this as well. May Allah Ta’ala assist you and all the other Muslim mothers.

23. Periodically, make the children distribute alms, food etc. to the poor with their on hands. This would promote a spirit of sympathy and generosity towards the poor. Now and again, allow them to distribute food, (sweets etc.) to their other siblings as well as this would engender a sense of recognising the rights of others and create a spirit of impartiality amongst them.

24. Do not comply with the child’s every whim and fancy. With tact and wisdom, try to dissuade the child from this habit. Employ a bit of harshness now and again. Don’t turn them into obstinate and adamant children by showering them with misplaced love.

25. Avoid speaking in harsh tones. Avoid yelling and shrieking and advise the children to speak in a moderate and gentle tone as well. Also stress upon them to avoid shouting and yelling at one another.

26. Develop amongst them the habit of doing everything by themselves. They should avoid depending on the servants for every little thing.

27. If there is a squabble amongst children, don’t side with your child unfairly. Remember, just as you cherish certain feelings in favour of your child, other parents also cherish the same feelings in favour of their children. Also, don’t allow the complaints of your sister-in-law’s children or the complaints of the neighbours to reach your husband.

28. Always be impartial to all your children. Be very cautious and refrain from showing favouritism at all costs. If you have a greater inclination to one of your children you are excused but as far as your conduct, behaviour and dealings are concerned, you should be impartial and fair to each one of them.

29. Always be an excellent example to your children. You are unto your children a perpetual and silent teacher who is always studied and scrutinised by the children. Even in jest, do not speak lies before your children.

30. Be cheerful on the birth of a daughter just as you are cheerful on the birth of a son. Girls or boys, both are blessings of Allah Ta’ala. Allah alone knows which is best for you; a boy or a girl. Similarly, don’t express displeasure when one of your sister’s-in-law gives birth to a girl child. Also don’t pressure your sister-in-law or your brother’s in laws to give gifts etc. on this occasion, thereby attracting their curses. Forcing others to give presents renders one guilty of accepting or partaking of Harâm wealth. It appears in the Hadîth that Rasulullah said: “Behold! The wealth of a person is not Halâl except with the happiness of the heart.” [Mishkât Page 255 Hadîth 8] May Allah Ta’ala protect us all from Harâm gifts.

31. Bring up your daughters with heartfelt joy, devout happiness, and a sense of religious spirit. In compensation of this, cherish the hope of Jannah from Allah Ta’ala.

32. Do not regard the female child as inferior to the male and do not give him preference over her. Expose the same love for both of them and conduct yourself impartially with both of them.

33. With enthusiasm and care, ensure that you give the girls their fixed share of a deceased’s estate. Also, be specific in your will about depriving the daughters of their share of the inheritance. Make sure you study books on this subject like Tarîqa-e-Wasiyyat and Ahkâm-e-Mayyit.

34. The ideal mother is she who instils the honour and esteem of her husband into the hearts of her children. She explains in various ways the status he commands as a leader and chief of the household. For instance, when something crops up, she responds by saying: “We’ll ask your father when he returns. We’ll do it if he agrees otherwise not because there is always good in obeying him. Allah Ta’ala is also pleased. Dad is the leader of the household. Obedience to the leader in permissible matters removes a number of calamities and this also attracts the mercy of Allah Ta’ala.” Etc. etc.

35. Similarly, the ideal mother is she who refrains from arguing and quarrelling with her husband in front of her children. In spite of the most detestable behaviour of her husband, she exercises patience in front of them and submits to the husband: “Yes, I was at fault, I am sorry. This won’t happen in the future.” Then when she is alone with him, she explains the proper situation to him and that she didn’t say anything at that time because of the children. Similarly, the ideal mother is she who refrains from giving the husband and children any sad news the moment they come home. She does not pounce on them with a volley of questions nor does she criticise them on any of their shortcomings the moment they step foot into the house. Instead, she greets them with Salâm, feeds them properly and then she says what has to be said.

36. The ideal mother is she who tries to maintain between two children an appropriate gap that allows the first one to complete breastfeeding and become a bit self-sufficient and also it affords the mother to overcome her weakness she suffered due to childbirth and breastfeeding. This gives her the opportunity to lighten her shoulders from the turmoil of a very young child. Now when she has no other valid Shar‘î excuse, she prepares herself for the next child so that each one of them can be brought up correctly and each one is awarded individual attention. This gap also offers her the opportunity to offer each child her individual attention and also it also allows her to recuperate after the weakness of childbirth, breastfeeding etc. Also, this gap ensures that the milk she is presently feeding is not adversely affected by another pregnancy. Therefore, it is recommended that the couple employ temporary measures of birth control and maintain a reasonable gap between their children. In fact, in view of the health of the mother or the child or on grounds of compelling reasons, after consulting with the Muftîs, she may even maintain a longer gap provided her intentions are not warped.

37. The ideal mother is she who honours her husband’s as well as her own mother in a manner pleasing unto Allah Ta’ala and this in turn engenders the same graciousness, Dînî spirit and honour amongst her children as well. She who happens to be a “coolness unto the eyes” of her mother and the husband’s mother, her children will also be a “coolness unto her eyes”.

38. The ideal mother is she who practises upon the advices proffered in this book and endeavours to instil these attributes into her Muslim sisters as well. She also encourages her Muslim sisters to read this book and books like Tohfa-e-Khawâtîn, Tohfa-e-Dulhan, Fadâil-e-A‘amâl, Fadâil-e-Sadaqât. She also makes Du‘â for the compiler of this book and the people who have assisted in its publication and also for those men and women engaged in the effort of Dîn.

39. Do not keep two daughters-in-law of conflicting temperament together. Ensure that you don’t get two of your sons married at the same time. If you have to do this, ensure that they stay separately. This arrangement encompasses a number of benefits and advantages to all parties concerned. For further information on this topic, read the book Tohfa-e-Dulhâ under the chapter “advices to the parents of the groom”.

40. When your daughter reaches the age of seven, bring her up in such a manner that she avoids shaking hands with men and she covers all her hair when she steps out of the home. Also, from an early age, develop the habit of making her wear long tops and (cotton) pants so that her legs remain covered at all times.

41. Together with the aforementioned strategies, make Du’aas for your children with ardent zeal and enthusiasm. Also abstain from the disobedience of Allah Ta’ala and restrain others from the same. It is hoped that Allah Ta’ala would not thrust aside the sincere Du’aas emanating from the depths of the parent’s hearts.

Source: www.classicalislamgroup.com

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