Tag: Wives

Hazrat Zainab bint Jahsh (R.A)

Ummahatul Mumineen

She was the Prophet Mohammad’s (صلى الله عليه وسلم) cousin. She was first given in marriage by the Prophet Mohammad (صلى الله عليه وسلم) to his adopted son Hadhrat Zaid bin Harithah (Radhiyallaho anho). When Hadhrat Zaid (Radhiyallaho anho) divorced her, she was married to the Prophet Mohammad (صلى الله عليه وسلم) by command of Allah, as mentioned in Surah Al Ahzab. This took place in 5 A.H., at that time she was 35. She was therefore born 17 years before Nubuwwat. She was always proud of the fact that, the other wives while all the other wives were given in marriage to the Prophet Mohammad (صلى الله عليه وسلم) by their guardians, it was Allah Himself Who did this for her.

When Hadhrat Zaid (Radhiyallaho anho) divorced her and she had completed her Iddat, the Prophet Mohammad (صلى الله عليه وسلم) sent the proposal to her. She said: “I cannot say anything until I have consulted my Allah.” She performed Wudhu, said two rakaat of Salaat, and prayed to Allah: “O, Allah! Thy Prophet proposes to marry me. If I am fit for the honor, then give me in his marriage.” Allah answered her prayer by revealing the following verse to the Prophet Mohammad (صلى الله عليه وسلم) :

“So when Zaid had performed the necessary formality (of divorce) from her, we gave her unto thee in marriage, so that (henceforth) there may be no sin for believers in respect of the wives of their adopted sons, when the latter have performed the necessary formality (of release) from them. The Commandment of Allah must be fulfilled.” (XXXIII:37)

When she received the good news about this revelation, she prostrated before Allah in thanksgiving. Prophet Mohammad (صلى الله عليه وسلم) arranged a big feast of Walimah for this marriage. A goat was slaughtered and mutton-curry with bread was served to the guests. People came in groups, and were served till all of them were fed.

Hadhrat Zainab (Radhiyallaho anha) had a very large heart for spending in the way of Allah. She earned by working with her hands and spent all “her earnings in charity. It was about her that the Prophet Mohammad (صلى الله عليه وسلم) prophesied:

“My wife with long hands will be the first to meet me after my death.” The wives took this to mean the physical length of arms and began to measure their hands with a stick. The hands of Hadhrat Saudah (Radhiyallaho anha) came out to be the longest by measurement. But when Hadhrat Zainab (Radhiyallaho anha) died first, the meaning of the metaphor used by the Prophet Mohammad (صلى الله عليه وسلم) dawned upon them. She fasted very often. She died in 20 and ‘Umar (Radhiyallaho anho) led the funeral service. She fifty at the time of her death.

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Hazrat Umme Salamah (R.A)

Ummahatul Mumineen

Hadhrat Umme Salamah was the daughter of Hadhrat Abu Ummayyah (Radhiyallaho anhu). She was first married to her cousin Hadhrat bin Abdul Asad known as Abu Salamah (Radhiyallaho anhu). The couple embraced Islam in the very beginning and emigrated to Abyssinia, due to the persecutions of Qureysh. A son was born to them in exile, who was named Salamah. After returning from Abyssinia, the family emigrated to Madinah. Hadhrat Umme Salamah’s (Radhiyallaho anha) story about her journey to Madinah, has been already given in the early part of the chapter. After reaching Madinah, Hadhrat Umme Salmah (Rad laho anha) got another son ‘Umar and two daughters Durrah and Zainab (Radhiyallaho anhum).

Hadhrat Abu Salamah (Radhiyallaho anho) was the eleventh man to embrace Islam. He participated in the battle of Badr as well as in Uhud. He got a severe wound in Uhud, which did not heal for a long time. He was sent by the Prophet Mohammad (Sallallaho Alaihe Wasallam) in an expedition in Safar, 4 A. H. When he returned from the expedition, the old wound again started giving trouble and at last he died of the same on 8th Jamadil-Akhir, 4 A. H. Hadhrat Umme Salamah (Radi-allaho anha) was pregnant at the time. Zainab was born to her after the death of her husband. After Umme Salamah had completed her Iddat (waiting period), Hadhrat Abu Bakr (Radlaho anho) proposed to marry her, but she declined.

Later, the Prophet Mohammad (Sallallaho Alaihe Wasallam) offered to marry her. She said: “O, Prophet of Allah! I have quite a few children with me and I am very sensitive by nature. Moreover, a people are in Mecca, and their permission for getting remarried is necessary.”

The Prophet Mohammad (Sallallaho Alaihe Wasallam) said: “Allah will look after your children and your sensitiveness will vanish in due course. None of people will dislike the proposed marriage”.

Hadhrat Umme Salamah then asked her (eldest) son Hadhrat Salamah (Radhiyallaho anho) to serve as her guardian and give her in marriage to the Prophet Mohammad (Sallallaho Alaihe Wasallam) She was married in the end of Shawwal, 4 A. H. She says: “I had heard from the Prophet Mohammad (Sallallaho Alaihe Wasallam) that a person struck with a calamity should recite this prayer:

“O, Allah! Recompense me for this affliction by giving me something better than what I have lost: then Allah would accept his prayer.” I had been reciting this prayer since the death of Hadhrat Abu Salamah (Radhiyallaho anho), but I could not imagine a husband better than he, till Allah arranged my marriage with the Prophet Mohammad (Sallallaho Alaihe Wasallam) .” Hadhrat Aishah (Radhiyallaho anha) says:

“Umme Salamah (Radhiyallaho anha) was famous for her beauty. Once I contrived to see her. I found her much more beautiful than I had heard. I mentioned this to Hafsah who said. “In my opinion, she is not as beautiful as people say.” She was the last of the Prophet Mohammad (Sallallaho Alaihe Wasallam) wives to die. It was in 59 or 62 A. H. She was 84 at the time of her death, and as such she was born 9 years before Nubuwwat.

As already been said, the Prophet Mohammad (Sallallaho Alaihe Wasallam) married Hadhrat Umme Salamah after the death of Hadhrat Zainab Khuzaimah (Radhiyallaho anha). She therefore lived in Hadhrat Zainab’s (Radhiyallaho anha) house. She found a had-mill, a kettle and some barley in an earthen jar, lying in the house. Hadhrat Umme Salamah milled some barley and after putting some fat cooked a preparation, which she served to the Prophet Mohammad (Sallallaho Alaihe Wasallam) on the very first day of her marriage with him.

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Hazrat Zainab bint Khuzaimah (R.A)

Ummahatul Mumineen

Hadhrat Zainab (Radhiyallaho anha) was the next to be married to the Prophet Mohammad (Sallallaho Alaihe Wasallam) . There are divergent reports about her previous husbands. According to one report she was first married to Hadhrat Abdullah bin Jahsh (Radhiyallaho anho) who was killed in Uhud, as we have already seen in his story in chapter VII. According to another report, she was first married to Tufail ibnul al Harith and when divorced by him was remarried to his brother Ubaidah ibnul Harith, who was killed in Badr.

The Prophet Mohammad (Sallallaho Alaihe Wasallam) married her in Ramadan, 3 A.H. She lived with the Prophet Mohammad (Sallallaho Alaihe Wasallam) for eight months only, as she died in Rabi-ul-Akhir, 4 A.H. Hadhrat Zainab and Hadhrat Khadijah (Radhiyallaho anha) are the two wives of the Prophet Mohammad (Sallallaho Alaihe Wasallam) who died during his life time. All the other wives lived on after him and died later. Hadhrat Zainab (Radhiyallaho anha) spent very liberally on the poor, and was Ummul Masakin’ (mother of the poor) even before Islam.

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Hazrat Hafsah (R.A)

Ummahatul Mumineen

Hafsah was the daughter of ‘Hadhrat Umar (Radhiyallaho anho) who was born in Makkah five years before the Nubuwwat. She was first married to Hadhrat Khunais bin Huzaifah (Radhiyallaho anho), who was one of the very early Muslims. He first emigrated to Abyssinia and then to Madinah. He participated in Badr, and was fatally wounded in Badr (or in Uhud) and died of the wound in the year l or 2 A. H. Hadhrat Hafsah (Radhiyallaho anha) had also emigrated to Madinah with her husband. When her husband died, Hadhrat Umar (Radhiyallaho anho) went to Hadhrat Abu Bakr (Radhiyallaho anho) and said:

“I want to give Hafsah in marriage to you.” Hadhrat Abu Bakr (Radhiyallaho anho) kept quiet and said nothing. Meanwhile Ruqayyah (Radhiyallaho anha) the daughter of the Prophet Mohammad (Sallallaho Alaihe Wasallam) and the wife of Hadhrat Usman (Radhiyallaho anho) died.

Hadhrat Umar (Radhiyallaho anha) went to Hadhrat Usman (Radhiyallaho anho) and offered Hadhrat Hafsah (Radhiyallaho anha’s) hand to him. He declined by saying, “I have no mind to marry for the present.” Hadhrat Umar (Radhiyallaho anho) complained of this to the Prophet Mohammad (Sallallaho Alaihe Wasallam).

The Prophet Mohammad (Sallallaho Alaihe Wasallam) said: “I tell you of a husband for Hafsah better than Usman and of a wife for Usman better than Hafsah.”

He then took Hadhrat Hafsah (Radhiyallaho anha) as (next wife, and gave his own daughter Hadhrat Umme Kulsum (Radhiyallaho anha) in marriage to Hadhrat Usman (Radhiyallaho anho). Hadhrat Abu Bakr (Radhiyallaho anho) later said to Hadhrat Umar (Radhiyallaho anho):

“When you offered Hafsah’s hand to me, I kept quiet as the Prophet Mohammad (Sallallaho Alaihe Wasallam) had expressed to me his intention of marrying her. I could neither accept your offer nor disclose the Prophet Mohammad’s (Sallallaho Alaihe Wasallam) secret to you. I, therefore, kept quiet. If the Prophet Mohammad (Sallallaho Alaihe Wasallam) had changed his mind, I would have gladly married her.”

Hadhrat Umar (Radhiyallaho anho) says: “Abu Bakr’s silence over the offer was in fact more shocking to me than ‘Usman’s rejection.”

Hadhrat Hafsah (Radhiyallaho anha) was a very pious woman, and very much devoted to Salaat. She would often fast during the day and spend the night in prayers. Once the Prophet Mohammad (Sallallaho Alaihe Wasallam) , for some reason, was displeased with Hafsah and even pronounced the first divorce to her. Hadhrat Umar (Radhlyallaho anho) was naturally very much shocked over this. Jibraeel Alayhis came to the Prophet Mohammad (Sallallaho Alaihe Wasallam) and said: Allah wants you to take Hafsah back, as she is fasting often and spending her nights in Salaat, and also Allah wants it for Hadhrat Umar’s (Radhiyallaho anho) sake.

The Prophet Mohammad (Sallallaho Alaihe Wasallam) therefore took her back.

Hadhrat Hafsah (Radhiyallaho anha) died in Jamadil oola, 45 AH, at the age of 63.

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Nurturing Marital Love

Marriage

Since marital love is prone to sickness and even death, it is imperative for couples to constantly work to revitalize and preserve it.

Husbands and wives must do the following:

1. They have to get in the habit of saying things that are positive, like offering compliments and like making little prayers for each other.

A husband could say to his wife: “If I were sent back to the days of my youth, I would not choose for a wife anyone besides you.” Of course, the wife can easily say something similar to her husband.

Affectionate words have an effect, especially on women. They have, indeed, often been the weapons used by unscrupulous men to gain access to what is not theirs.

Sweet words arouse a woman’s heart. A husband should take care to say them to his wife before someone else does.

2. Husbands and wives have to get into the habit of doing those little things that mean so much. If a man comes home to find his wife asleep, he can cover her and tuck her into bed.

A husband can give his wife a call from work just to say hello and to let her know that he is thinking about her.

If a wife finds that her husband has fallen asleep, she can give him a little kiss on the forehead, even if she thinks that he will not be aware of it. Indeed, on some level his senses are working even though he is asleep and he may very well be aware of it.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) emphasized the value of these little things, “…even the morsel of food that you place in your wife’s mouth…” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim]

It may very well be that the Prophet (peace be upon him) was alluding to the expenditure of a man for his wife’s needs. Nonetheless, the Prophet (peace be upon him) chose to express it in the way he did for a reason. Most importantly, this is the way the Prophet peace be upon him) conducted himself with his family.

This type of behavior is governed by the tastes of the people involved. It may take some getting used to, but it really does not take a lot of effort.

A person who is not accustomed to such things may feel embarrassed just hearing about them and may prefer to leave matters the way they are rather than try to change his behavior and do things that he might see as ridiculous.

Still, we must be willing introduce new habits into our lives if we do not want our problems to go on forever.

3. The husband and wife must set aside time to talk to each other. They should talk about the past; reminisce about the good times. Talking about them keeps them fresh in our minds as if they had happened only yesterday. They should talk about the future and share their hopes and their plans. They should also talk about the present, both the good and bad of it, and discuss different ways to solve their problems.

4. Keeping close physical contact is good for the relationship. This is not just for times of intimacy, but at all times, like when sitting in the lounge or walking down the street. This is regardless of the fact that there are still men in our society who are ashamed to have people see them walking in public with their wives at their sides.

5. Emotional support should be guaranteed whenever it is required. When the wife is pregnant or on her monthly period, she may need her husband to lend her a little moral support. He should take her mental state into consideration. Medical experts attest to the fact that when women go through pregnancy, menstruation, or postpartum bleeding, they suffer from psychological stress that can aversely affect their behavior. It is at times like these that a woman needs her husband’s support. She needs him to let her know how much she means to him and how much he needs her in his life.

Likewise, the husband might fall ill or come under a lot of difficulties. The wife must take these things into consideration. If people want their relationship to last, they must let each other feel that support.

6. There have to be some material expressions of love. Gifts should be given, sometimes without there being any occasion for it, since a pleasant surprise is always welcome. A good gift is one that expresses feelings of affection. It does not have to be expensive, but it has to be appropriate for the other’s tastes and personality; something that will be cherished.

7. The husband and wife have to learn how to be more tolerant of each other and overlook one another’s shortcomings. It should become a habit to forget about the little mistakes of daily life and not even bring them up. Silence in these trivialities is a sign of noble character.

A woman said to Aishah: “When my husband comes home, he becomes like a cat. When he goes out, he becomes like a lion. He does not ask about what might have happened.” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim]

Ibn Hajar explains her words as follows:

They might mean that he is very generous and tolerant. He does no make a big fuss about what goes missing of his wealth. If he brings something for the house, he dies not enquire about it later on. He does not make an issue of the shortcomings that he might see at home but instead is clement and tolerant.

It is wrong to go overboard in considering the faults of others but when it comes to ourselves, keep a running account of all our good qualities.

There is a tradition that goes: “One of you sees the dust in his brother’s eyes and forgets about the dirt in his own.”

8. A husband and wife must come to an understanding when it comes to matters of mutual concern, like the raising of children, work, travel, expenses, and problems that might pose a threat to the marital relationship.

9. Husbands and wives need to do things to liven up their relationship. Each one of them can read a book or listen to a cassette that might give them some ideas on how they can revitalize their marital life and bring more meaning to it. They can vary their habits when it comes to relaxing together, dining, taking refreshments, decorating their home, and in relating to each other both openly and intimately. These are the things that keep up the excitement and interest in a relationship.

10. The relationship must be protected from negative influences that can harm it. One of the worst of these is the habit of comparing one’s spouse to others. Many men tend to compare their wives to those of other men. Some even compare them with the faces they see in magazines and on television. Women also compare their husbands with other women’s husbands in things like wealth, looks, and how many times he takes her out. All of this makes people feel bad and insufficient and it can ruin the marital relationship.

If we must compare ourselves to others, we should do so with those who have less going for them than ourselves. Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him) said: “Look towards those who are beneath you and do not look towards those who are above you. This is better so that you do not belittle Allah’s blessings.” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim]

We must accustom ourselves to living in the real world and to finding contentment in what Allah has decreed for us. We should not look longingly at what others have been given. Whatever little that we have will be a lot if we utilize it well.

It is quite possible that many who speak about their marital bliss and go on boasting about their husbands and wives are untruthful in what they say. They just like to brag.

The grass often does seem greener on the other side, but only because we are not looking at it up close.

By Salmaan ibn Fahd al-‘Awdah

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Hazrat Sawdah (R.A)

Ummahatul Mumineen

After the demise of Hazrat Khadijah , the Holy Prophet Muhammad was much worried and grief stricken. He had to look after his child and attend to the household chores, adding considerably to the agony of the death of his loving wife. This also caused hindrance in his Prophetic mission. Seeing him worried and distressed, Hazrat Khawlah bint Hakeem , wife of Hazrat Uthman bin Maz’oon , suggested to the Holy Prophet (Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam) that he badly needed a companion to help him in running his house and looking after his children, and proposed the name of Hazrat Sawdah who was an elderly widow.

Hazrat Sawdah and her late husband Hazrat Sakran, were early converts to Islam, and also had the honour of having migrated to Abyssinia. Therefore, they were very much close and dear to the Holy Prophet (Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam). On return from Abyssinia, Hazrat Sakran (Radhiyallahu-Anhu) passed away. Hazrat Sawdah (Radhiyallahu-Anha) was now left a forlorn widow with a baby.

On receipt of the suggestion, the Holy Prophet Muhammad (Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam) considered it carefully. The mission of Prophethood now demanded much time, but due to him being preoccupied in household affairs, he could not devote enough time to his heavenly mission. He therefore accepted the proposal also taking into consideration that an early convert to Islam may be helped and honoured, and approved Hazrat Khawlah (Radhiyallahu-Anha) to negotiate for his marriage with Hazrat Sawdah (Radhiyallahu-Anha).

Proposal to Hazrat Sawdah

Khawlah (Radhiyallahu-Anha ) went straight to Hazrat Zum’aa bin Qais , the father of Hazrat Sawdah (Radhiyallahu-Anhuma), and after exchanging compliments conveyed the message of the Holy Prophet Muhammad (Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam). Hazrat Zum’aa (Radhiyallahu-Anhu) was much pleased and remarked that: “Hazrat Muhammad (Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam) comes from a very respectable family and is a perfect gentleman and that any father would feel proud of marrying his daughter to him.” He further suggested to Hazrat Khawlah that Hazrat Sawdah should also be consulted in this connection. Hazrat Khawlah then went to Hazrat Sawdah and conveyed the message of the Prophet (Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam) and added that Hazrat Sawdah had already obtained the approval of her father for the marriage. Hazrat Sawdah [Radhiyallahu-Anha ] expressed her consent and happiness in the marriage. The marriage was settled and Hazrat Sawdah was married with Prophet Muhammad (Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam ). The Nikah Khutbah (sermon) was read by Hazrat Sawdah’s (Radhiyallahu-Anha) father himself. Hazrat Sawdah was 55 at the time of this marriage.

By this marriage the house of the Prophet (Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam) was once more aglow with warmth and happiness. Hazrat Fatimah and Hazrat Umme Kulsoom (Radhiyallahu-Anhuma ) were the two orphaned daughters of Prophet[s.a.w.] Hazrat Sawdah (Radhiyallahu-Anha) used to love these two daughters very affectionately, so much so that nobody could even doubt that she was not their real mother. Hazrat Sawdah (Radhiyallahu-Anha) had no children from the Prophet (Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam ) However, from her first husband (Hazrat Sakran ) she had a son named Hazrat Abdur-Rahmaan (Radhiyallahu-Anhu). He fell a martyr fighting in the battle of Jalula.

Narrations of Hazrat Sawdah

Five traditions are said to have been narrated by Hazrat Sawdah (Radhiyallahu-Anha). Out of these one finds place in Bukhari Hazrat Sawdah (Radhiyallahu-Anha) was generous, hospitable, kind and affectionate. Hazrat Umar (Radhiyallahu-Anhu) once sent her a purse full of Dirhams, she at once distributed those coins. She was distinguished in self-sacrifice. She was ready to forego her rights and privileges for the sake of others. She was also jovial by nature. Hazrat Sawdah used to please the Prophet (Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam) and her friends through healthy jokes and jest.
Inter-Islam

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Keep the Spark of Love Alive

Marriage

As the days come to closer to one’s marriage, excitement, ecstasy and elation pump through the bride and groom. The build up to marriage is an experience of thrill and jubilation. When the marriage is solemnised, one’s happiness and delight is on the verge of brimming and tipping over. When the newlywed couple meet for the first time, words cannot describe the sweetness of the bliss, serenity, pleasure and elation tasted by the two.

If every day of the marriage can mirror the first day of marriage, and every night reflect the first night of marriage, then the marriage will be a euphoric experience on this world.

The gentleness, passion, love, tenderness displayed on the first day and night of the marriage should be portrayed throughout one’s life.

The first couple of months are always a ‘honeymoon’. Once the couple settle down, then reality begins. Many couples fail at this point. The husband gets engrossed in his job. He comes home tired and late, feeling hungry and tired. He demands for the food and feels lazy to do anything. He eats, puts the dirty plates in the sink and lies down on the sofa. He might awaken to perform salāh if he is conscious of salāh. Otherwise, he wakes up later on towards the night, phones a few friends, watches TV and keeps ordering the wife to get him x and y. When it is time to sleep, the husband if he is feeling in a good mood he will have relations with his wife-but only to satisfy his needs. Once he is fulfilled, he stops and drops off to sleep. Whether the wife is satisfied or not does not even cross his mind. This becomes the routine of his life.

The wife on the other hand, she initially tries to please her husband. She slowly loses her enthusiasm as she does not receive enough attention from her husband. She cooks to please her husband. She will put effort into her food. She will try and perfect every detail in the food. The presentation, ingredients and spices are put meticulously so they complement each other. After a while she begins to tire from this as the husband does not comment or he criticises her food. As soon as the husband goes to work, she is on the phone to her associates. She cooks, watches TV, cleans the house and enjoys her day before her husband comes home. Once the husband comes, she becomes a slave again.

This style of marriage where there is no affection shown, no real emotion transmitted from one party to the other is heading towards destruction.

The husband needs to implement the romance the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam displayed. We consider Romeo to be romantic but not the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam. If I was to say the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam was the most romantic individual, I would not be lying. Looking attentively to the biography of the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam, you will find that he was extending a great deal of respect to his wives and was displaying high attention, care and love toward them.

He was the best example for the ideal manners toward the wife. He was comforting for his wives, wiping their tears, respecting their emotions, hearing their words, caring for their complaints, alleviating their sadness, going in picnics with them, racing with them, bearing their abandonment, discussing matters with them, keeping their dignity, supporting them in emergencies, declaring his love to them and was very happy with such love.

The husband and wife have to bond with one another psychologically, physically and spiritually. Here are some attractive examples and points we need to adopt to achieve a marriage of romance:

1. Know their feelings

The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam was telling Sayyidah Aisha radiallahu anha : “I know well when you are pleased or angry with me. Aisha replied: How you know that? He said: When you are pleased with me you swear by saying “By the God of Mohammad” but when you are angry you swear by saying “By the God of Ibrahim”. She said: You are right, I don’t mention your name.”[i]

The husband and wife should be aware of each other’s feelings. The husband should be able to gauge when his wife is upset or sad, likewise the wife should be able to read her husband’s behaviour. By being conscious of one another’s feelings, it will help in resolving any differences. When your spouse is down or upset, be there to console him/her. Sit with them, speak with them, listen to them. Try and make them smile. If the husband is always conscious of his wife’s feelings, and the wife is always conscious of the husband’s feelings, then this will assist greatly in keeping the ‘flicker’ alight.

2. Console her

Sayyidah Safiyah radiallahu anha was on a journey with the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam. She was late so the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam received her while she was crying. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam wiped her tears with his own hands and tried his utmost to calm her down. [ii]

This is another feature a marriage must have. Each spouse has to be there for the other in the good and bad times. The wife should find comfort and solace in the husband and the husband should find warmth and love in his wife. Be gentle with one another.

3. Laying in the wife’s lap

The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would recline in the lap of our beloved mother Sayyidah Aisha radaillahu anha even in the state when she would be menstruating. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would recite the Qur῾ān whilst reclining in his wife’s lap.[iii]

How many times have we rested in the lap of our spouse? These gestures may seem trivial but they are the acts which bring the hearts close. The wife can sense and see the love of her husband for her in such actions. Every so often come home and just go and rest in the lap of your wife. She will appreciate this gesture greatly.

4. Combing the spouse’s hair:

Aisha radiallahu anha would comb the hair of the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam and wash his hair.

This is how close a couple has to be. Love evolves and grows to such an extent that a spouse yearns to do everything for the other spouse even if it simply combing their hair. To maintain a high intensity of love, do the little things for your spouse also. Little acts have a huge psychological impact on the mind of the spouse. Seldom comb their hair, take their clothes out to wear, bring them a cold drink on a hot day, prepare something for them etc.

5. Drinking and eating from one place:

Aisha radiallahu anha would drink from a cup. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would take this cup and search for the place where the lips of his beloved wife made contact. Upon finding the place where his wife drank from the cup, he would put his lips on the very same place so that his lips have touched the place where her lips touched. He would then drink the contents of the cup at the same time enjoying with his spouse. When there was meat to eat, Sayyidah Aisha radiallahu anha would take a bite. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would take the meat from her hand and again place his mouth the very same place where his wife ate from. This would add taste of love to his food.[iv]

Do things together with your wife. Do not just eat at the same time and on the same tablecloth, but eat from the same plate. Let alone the same plate, eat together from the same article of food. This will bond the hearts so close to one another. When everything your wife comes into contact with becomes more beloved to you than food itself, imagine the flame of love in your lives?

6. Kissing: –

The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would kiss his wife regularly. Even when he salallahu alaihi wasallam would be fasting, he would kiss his wife.[v]

Compliment your spouse often with kisses. When exiting the house, make it habit you leave by coming into contact with your spouse. When returning home, along with saying salām to her, show that you have missed her dearly.

When she is working or busy in her household chores, surprise her with a kiss. You have to show your love. Love is the fuel of marriage; if you desire your marriage to progress, you have to express your love in every way you can.

Physical relations in a marriage are very important. The famous saying is, “actions speak louder than words.” Show your spouse you love her. Sharī῾ah promotes romance and physical relations between the husband and wife. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam categorically stated,

“Conjugal relations with your wife is a sadaqah.”[vi]

7. Lifting the morsel to her mouth

The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam said : If you spend an amount you will be rewarded for it, -even when you lift the morsel to your wife’s mouth.” [vii]

The husband and wife should make these gentle gestures to exhibit their love and appreciation. Feed your spouse with your own hands now and then. This will rekindle the flame of love in your marriage.

8. Assisting her in the housework:

The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would clean and help at home. He would see to his needs himself rather than demanding his wife. He would clean and see to his clothing himself.

Without being asked, if the couple help each other in day to day activities, it will make one appreciate the other. Likewise, one should try his best not to demand his/her spouse to do things too much. Whatever one can do himself, he should do. We need to be considerate of the spouse. The wife works tirelessly all day. So if the husband was to be considerate and realise his wife works hard, this will touch the wife. Likewise, if the wife was to go out of her way to see to the needs of her husband being considerate, it will induce a great spark of love between the two.

9. Telling her stories

Discuss stories and events with your spouse. Engage in light hearted discussions with her-something to laugh and joke over. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam on many occasions would discuss stories, events and have light hearted discussions. The famous story narrated by Sayyidah Aisha radiallahu anha regarding Umm Zar’ is evident.

This is one angle which is neglected more so than often. It is all ‘business’ between the husband and wife. They do not get into light hearted conversations. Instead, the husband rings his friends and chuckles with them. The wife on the other hand giggles during the day with her friends. This should not be the case. Focus and divert all your amusement and entertainment at your spouse. If you want to laugh, then let it be that you are laughing with your wife.

Make it a point in your busy schedule daily where you sit with your wife and do nothing but have fun with her.

10. Sharing happy occasions with her:

Once when the Ethiopians were practicing target shooting in the masjid complex, the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam stood with his wife watching. Not only did the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam stand with his wife, he put his cloak around her. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam although he had other jobs to do, he stayed there standing with his wife. He only went when his wife wanted to go.[viii]

A husband should be one who shares happy occasions and experiences with his wife. When it is raining, cold or sunny, one should shelter his wife.

You should be willing to sacrifice your errands to spend time with your wife. When the spouse sees sacrifice for her sake, it will create immense love and respect in their heart.

11. Racing with his wife

The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would exercise and play with his wife also. The famous incident of the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam challenging his wife to race is well known.

When a couple can have such good times together, it only ignites the love even more.

12. Calling her by a beautiful name:

The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would call his wife ‘Humairā’’ out of love. Linguistically it means the little reddish one, but the scholars state that in reality it refers to someone who is so fair that due to the sun they get a reddish tan. This was the reason why the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam called her Humairaa’.[ix]

Call your spouse nice sweet names. One has to show his partner love and affection in every little thing. One needs to feed love constantly to his spouse to keep the flame burning.

Once the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam stared into his wife’s eyes. He was gazing at the world within his wife’s eyes. He then said to Sayyidah Aisha radiallahu anha in praise of her beauty,

“How white are your eyes.”[x]

This is what is needed. The husband and wife should be constantly complementing and praising each other. The husband has to show his love and attraction to his wife. The wife needs to show her infatuation for her husband. When there is a reciprocal relationship, the marriage climbs heights.

13. Dress for your spouse

Sayyiduna Ibn Abbās radiallahu anhu said: “As my wife adorns herself for me, I adorn myself for her. I do not want to take all of my rights from her so that she will not take all of her rights from me because Allah, the Exalted, stated the following: “And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them.” (Qur῾ān 2 :228.)[xi]

This is another area where many spouses fail. The wife only dresses when it is a special occasion. The husband on the hand stays scruffy and does not take care to be neat and tidy. If the couple want their everyday to be a special occasion like their wedding day, they must dress to impress!

The wife should wear the clothing which pleases her husband. Likewise, the husband should wear what the wife likes. Every time the husband and wife glance at each other, the glance should arouse them and stir up more love for their spouse. This will ignite the love in the heart.

14. Utilising perfume:

The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would have a container for perfume. He would use perfume constantly.[xii] One should make an effort to smell good for his wife all the time. Looking good, keeping clean, smelling nice compliments a relationship exceptionally. Make sure you hair is tidy, your clothes are neat and you smell pleasant. This will attract your spouse always and inject affection into the marriage.

15. Do not talk about her private matters:

The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam described the one who discloses his wife’s affairs to others as amongst the worst of people.[xiii]

Whatever occurs between yourself and your spouse should remain between you two. How unmanly and shameful is it when a husband discusses his wife to his friends? The secrets and issues of the spouse must not be narrated at all to anyone. Do not talk about your wife to others. Your wife is for you. You are for your wife. Your fidelity and loyalty should always be to your spouse.

16. Loving & respecting their families

Another great factor to contribute to a healthy relationship is to love and cherish the family of your spouse. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam was once asked whom he loved the most. He replied, “Aisha.” When the questioner rephrased his question and asked from amongst the men, he replied, “Her father.”

The Prophet could have easily said Abu Bakr. His answer displays such intelligence and ingenuity, that in one response he displayed his devotion to his wife and her family. He exhibited his fondness for his in-laws. Imagine how happy his wife Sayyidah Aisha would have become upon hearing this response?

Compliment your in laws in front of your wife. Compliment your wife to her family. Your wife will really appreciate this.

Never underestimate the importance of seemingly little things as putting food in your wife’s mouth, opening the car’s door for her, etc.

Try to always find some time for both of you to pray together. Strengthening the bond between you and Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala is the best guarantee that your own marital bond would always remain strong. Having peace with Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala will always result in having more peace at home.

With regards to your second query about the China Islamic Association, the Darul Iftaa is not in a position to comment as we have no correspondence with the organisation in reference.

Mawlana Faraz Ibn Adam
DarulIftaa.net

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Happy Husband and Wife

Marriage

19th century Ottoman scholar Bediuzzaman writes:

Happy the husband who sees the wife’s firm religion and follows her, and himself becomes pious in order not to lose his companion of eternal life.
Happy the wife who sees her husband’s firmness in religion and becomes pious so as not to lose her eternal friend.
Alas for the man who becomes dissolute, which will lose him for ever that righteous woman.
Alas for the woman who does not follow her pious husband and loses her eternal blessed friend.
And a thousand woes on the unhappy husband and wife who imitate each other in sin and vice, helping one another to enter Hell-fire!

Jazakallah to ‘Seeker’ for leaving this quote as a comment on the post Characteristics of a Pious Husband.

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