How to Select a Good Spouse

How to select a good spouse – a short lecture by Mufti Ismail Menk giving advice of how to select an appropriate spouse and what to look for in a potential spouse.

How to Select a Good Muslim Spouse: A Guide for Marriage Success

Marriage is one of the most important decisions a Muslim will make in their lifetime. A righteous spouse can be a source of peace, love, and support, while a poor choice can lead to hardship, regret family breakdown and ill feelings between husband and wife and two families. Islam has therefore provided clear guidance on what qualities to look for when selecting a good muslim husband or wife.

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: “A woman is married for four reasons: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty, and her religion. So choose the one who is religious, may your hands be rubbed with dust (may you prosper).” (Bukhari & Muslim)

This hadith highlights that while physical attraction and compatibility are important, the most critical factor should be religious commitment. A person who fears Allah and follows Islam sincerely is more likely to treat their spouse with kindness, respect, and honesty.

When choosing a spouse, consider the following:

1. Deen (Religion): Look for someone who prays regularly, respects Islamic values, and strives to improve their character.
2. Akhlaq (Character): A spouse with good manners, patience, and humility will be a blessing in the home.
3. Compatibility: Shared values, goals, and communication styles help build a strong foundation.
4. Family and Background: While not the most important, understanding a person’s upbringing and family dynamic can be beneficial.
5. Istikhara (Seeking Guidance): Pray Istikhara and trust that Allah will guide you to what is best.

Avoid rushing the process or making decisions based solely on appearances or material wealth. Seek advice from elders, involve your family, and prioritize sincerity over status.

Ultimately, a successful marriage is built on faith, mutual respect, and the intention to please Allah together. Choosing a good Muslim spouse is the first step towards a blessed and lasting union.

See also:
Premarital Questions
Recipe for a Successful Marriage