Overlooking the Shortcomings of a Spouse
A man came to ‘Umar (رضي الله عنه) to complain about his wife. As he reached his door, he heard Ummī Kulthūm, ‘Umar’s (رضي الله عنه) wife, speaking harshly to him.
The man thought to himself, “I intended to complain about my wife to him, but he appears to be afflicted with the same problem I am experiencing.”
He turned around and began to leave. ‘Umar (رضي الله عنه) noticed him leaving and called him back.
When questioned about his visit, he explained, “I came to complain to you about my wife, but I overheard your wife and decided to leave.”
‘Umar (رضي الله عنه) explained, “I have adopted a forgiving nature towards her because of the rights she has upon me. Firstly, she serves as a barrier between me and hell-fire and my heart is contented with her as she saves me from indulging in ḥarām. Secondly, she protects my wealth when I leave my home. Thirdly, she washes my clothes. Fourthly, she attends to the upbringing of my children and fifthly, she cooks and prepares my food.”
After hearing this, the man replied, “I enjoy the same benefits from my wife, but I have never overlooked her faults and shortcomings. In future, I shall do so.”
This beautiful incident from the life of ʿUmar ibn al-Khaṭṭāb (رضي الله عنه) teaches us a powerful lesson about patience, gratitude, and perspective in marriage. In every relationship, especially between husband and wife, there will be moments of frustration or disagreement. However, overlooking the shortcomings of a spouse in Islam is not only encouraged—it is a sign of maturity, wisdom, and taqwa.
Rather than focusing on faults, Islam teaches us to recognise the many blessings and contributions our spouse brings to our lives. As ʿUmar (رضي الله عنه) reminded the man, a spouse is a source of protection, comfort, and support in many unseen ways. By adopting a forgiving attitude, we create a home filled with mercy, love, and mutual respect—just as Allah ﷻ intended.
Let us all strive to reflect this noble character in our marriages and seek the reward that comes with patience and understanding.
Seel also:
Advice for newly married couples
Characteristics of a Pious Wife
Characteristics of a Pious Husband